Books I've read lately.

Years ago, I assumed that I would also remember the titles and authors of books I've read. Since then, I've learned this simply isn't true. (I hunted through the Library of Congress listings a number of times looking for one book and never found it.) So, I'm going to post ''book reports'' about books as I read them. There won't be a lot; I hope to inspire others to read them and would like to hear from folks about their reading.)

Saturday, May 05, 2012

my first attempt at a novel (1989 to early 1990)

This is my first novel, which I unfortunately never could finish. I will have to figure out the correlation between this novel and my finished novel of 2005. There is a fair amount of overlap between the two.

                  Visiting Ronald Reagan's Boyhood Home
                   (or Screwed, Blued and Tattooed) 
                                 by
                           Michael W. Bell

     QM1 William Leonard Tanner's last day of slavery had finally come and he

was about to become a free man! Eight years down the tubes and he was going

home!
     The personnel clerk gave Tanner his last paycheck and showed him the

last form to sign. While Tanner signed the final form, the clerk looked at

the clock. It was almost 3 pm and the leading chief had promised the office

an early secure from duty if they got their work done early! The clerk was

one sailor who was eager to get going and didn't want to be held back by some

lifer sailor who was getting out of the Navy. So, the clerk smiled at the

ex-lifer, gave Tanner his paper work package and pointed him over toward the

officer in charge.
     The officer in charge was a young supply officer who had just come from

sea duty and still thought that the Navy was gravy duty. He decided to "help"

Tanner out...
     "Have a seat, Petty Officer Tanner. I've reviewed your service record

and you're damn good! I think you should stay in. We need good people like

you!"
     "Well, sir, it's a matter of a personal problem and I'm the only one who

can really solve it. I'm planning on joining the reserves so I'm not really

leaving the Navy."
     The junior officer knew troops and he knew the B.S. they liked to spew

out when they were trying to confuse the issue. It was something that he had

gotten used to on the USS Forrestal (CVA-59).
      "You can turn in those papers right now Petty Officer Tanner and I can

arrange with your detailer to get you the duty station of your choice. My

commander says we need people like you, with your qualifications. Think about

it!"
     "I will, sir, but, my problems still haven't gone away."       The

junior officer sighed, handed Tanner a business card that read "James

Wilhite, LTjg, Supply Corps, USN". Tanner
dutifully put the card in his wallet next to the pink Navy
reserve I.D. card.
     Tanner never noticed that Wilhite's card said USN instead of USNR; the

"R" means "Reserve". Tanner didn't know that it was almost unheard of for a

junior supply officer to hold a regular commission and that this Wilhite must

walk on water and be so competent that he had  powerful friends. Tanner could

have saved himself a painful education...

     The two men shook hands and Tanner was out of the Navy!      Tanner

ignored the opportunity to visit the commissary for the last time (it was a

long drive from San Francisco to Rockford), didn't visit the Exchange (Tanner

wasn't used to sales taxes) and didn't stock up at the Navy liquor store

(Tanner DEFINITELY didn't know about all the taxes put on civilian sold

booze).
     Tanner was out of the front gate by 3:15 PM and was thinking blissfully

about the wonderful civilian future he had ahead of him. Orwell was right:

"Ignorance is Bliss!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

     Two months later, Tanner was having second thoughts. His hands hurt, he

was tired and was getting sick of eating rice and beans (he could eat the

beans if he didn't look at what he was eating). The exit from the Navy had

been easy at first...

     The trip from San Francisco had taken him five days. He had stopped at

Sun City, Arizona and visited relatives. He had eaten at cheap quick food

places along the way and had stayed in decent hotels; his savings account of

$4000 seemed a bottomless pit of cash and besides he knew he'd be making the

good money upon reaching Rockford.
     He arrived in Rockford late Wednesday on 13 June and checked into the

Alpine Inn. He bought a paper, checked out the pool and had dinner at "Aunt

Mary's". He had bland meatloaf and discovered that a "Family Style

Restaurant" meant a place that did not sell booze. He returned to his room,

got some ice from the machine down the hall and used the ice to chill a

couple of Coors he'd bought two days before. Then, he opened the paper to the

"Helped Wanted" section.
     After ten minutes, Tanner stopped reading when he realized that there

was nothing in the paper that sounded interesting to him. He had another

beer, called the room service and asked them to wake him at 7 am.
     He then had another couple of beers and crashed. Whether it was the beer

or meager pickings in the help wanted section, his sleep was full of fearful

dreams of failing and ending up on the streets. He was quite happy to wake

up!
     The waitress who served him his "free" continental breakfast was willing

to sit and chat after serving him the cereal and instant coffee.
     "I just got out of the Navy and moved here."
     "Why did ya move to Rockford?"
     "I was raised in Indiana; my parents live near Marseilles {get correct

spelling!} (Tanner pronounced Marseilles the French way but the waitress

didn't ask him to clarify where he meant). An old shipmate of mine kept

talking about how much he loved it here in Rockford. Kept talking about where

he went to high
school, some place called Rock Creek or Rock Cut or Rock Ford State park..."
    "Rock Cut State park", she interjected.
    "...Rock Cut State Park and how much he liked going to some places down

town. He kept talking about how much he likes
Rockford and how much he misses it."
     "So where does he live?"
     "He just made Master Chief Petty Officer and has cut a deal with his

detailer so that he'll keep rotating between shore duty in San Diego and a

couple of ships in San Diego. He figures he's got twenty five years in and

that can be in San Diego there till he retires at thirty. Hell, he can even

go beyond thirty years."      "That sounds nice and I didn't understand part

of it. You're saying your buddy got promoted and will be in San Diego as long

as he wants? Right?"
     "Yes. Could you tell me what kind of jobs are available in Rockford?"
     "There used to be a lot of light industry but a lot of companies shut

down and reopened as non-union shops; pay is poor. Oh, you have to register

your car with the city and pay a city tax but you've got sixty days to do

that. About the only places that are hiring are the temporary places and the

quick food places."
     Tanner thought about that for a minute. Temporary employment places

always made him think of smiling women in TV ads who loved to clean other

people's houses or work someone else's calculator. As for quick food places,

he figured that working there would be an exercise in baby sitting; he had

done his share of that as the leading petty officer for his Division and then

his department while on the USS Blue Ridge.
     "What other kinds of jobs are there?"
     "Well, you can go to the State Employment Office, pay a headhunter, go

talk to the VA man."
     "Thanks, I plan on visiting the VA people first thing this morning. Oh,

by the way, is this motel hiring? Just curious."      The waitress laughed.
     "Honey! They only hire women to work here; they only hiring maids and

I'm the only waitress. I've been here for fifteen years and I only keep this

job 'cause the owner believes in having GREAT benefits. My husband works

construction and makes the money for the family during the spring and summer.

But they still call him a 'temporary' and don't pay him no benefits."
      The woman got up and then refilled Tanner's coffee cup. She looked at

the pensive, slightly worried expression on Tanner's face before remarking:
     "This friend of yours who loves Rockford; ever wonder why he hasn't come

back?"
     Tanner was beginning to suspect why.

     Tanner went back to the hotel office and took one of the maps that they

had on the counter. The phone book listed the "Veteran Affairs Officer" as

being on 11th street. Tanner was wearing a nice shirt, trousers and had on

his second best spit shinned black shoes.
     He walked into the office and was tempted to turn around and leave!
     There were "clients" waiting on uncomfortable looking chairs in a little

roped off area. There were put on looking clerks behind glass walls; there

were little holes in the glass walls where "clients" could address the clerks

like a pennant speaking to the confessor.
     Tanner filed out a form that was specifically for people wanting to

speak with the VA man and slid it into a basket. The form was basically a

resume. Then, he began waiting.
     He could get coffee but it was from a machine and too damn expensive;

Tanner was used to Navy offices with coffee machines, paper cups and little

"25 cents/cup" signs.
     Finally, a rumpled looking man called "Tanner". They went behind the

counter in the front of the room and into a
partitioned area; the man sat in a swivel chair and Tanner plopped down into

an uncomfortable plastic chair.
     "I'm Ralph Miller, the VA representative for this office. Have you

signed up for our services in the past two years, Mr. Tanner?"
     "No, sir. I just got out of the Navy and this is the first time I've

been in Illinois in probably twenty to twenty-five years."
     "You were raised in the upper Midwest?"
     "I went to elementary school in Indiana; we moved to Montana when I was

in the second grade."
     "Well, Mr. Tanner, looking at your application form here, I think you've

had quite a career and have a lot to offer an
employer..."
     "Thank you."
     "...anywhere in the Stateline area (Tanner knew the
'Stateline Area' was an area centered around Rockford). You were in the Navy

for eight years, were a Drug and Alcohol Programme Advisor, Division and

Department Leading Petty Officer, training petty officer and qualified for

the Enlisted Surface Warfare insignia. Why did you leave the Navy?"
     "I didn't seem to be going anywhere. I didn't know any women since I was

at sea much of the time and the Navy just got to be too much of a hassle. All

the old guys kept talking about how the Navy wasn't fun anymore; they were

talking about how a peacetime Navy wasn't any fun."
     Miller just sighed slightly and didn't have the heart to tell Tanner

that the civilian world wasn't 'one big happy family' either. Miller could

also tell that Tanner was lonely but Miller didn't know how to broach the

subject.
     "Well, let me fill in this information from you're form." Miller than

used his IBM clone to make a file on Tanner.
     "What areas of industry are you interested in?"
     Tanner looked at a list of job categories that Miller handed him and

read off several:
     "Office work (he had typed many reports while on ship), light industrial

(he had helped maintain the small boats and navigation equipment on ship),

janitorial (God alone knew how many floor he had cleaned before finally

getting enough rank to be above such things).
     "Rockford doesn't have a lot of office work available. Your best bet is

to check out the county, state and federal jobs and apply for them. We have a

listing of some of these jobs out front. Also, there is the microfilm bank of

available jobs; this is in the reception area...Did you sell back leave when

you left the Navy?"
     "Yes. I had sixty days leave coming to me and I sold that back."
     This sixty days was two months "free" pay for Tanner and formed a

healthy chunk of his nestegg.
     "Then that means you can not go on unemployment for sixty days after you

were discharged. Have you thought about joining the reserves?"
     "Yes, I've thought about the reserves but it doesn't have quite the seem

feel. I don't think it would be like being in the Navy."
     "Perhaps, but, it is a good source of income and would keep you from

having wasted your eight years. Someday, that retirement will be nice. Also,

you'll have commissary and exchange
privilege in return for your drills."
     "Thank you, sir, I'll think about it."
     "Did you have an disabilities or anything that would require VA

attention? Did you invest in that latest college education fund that the

military is promoting?"
     "No and no."
     "Well then, Mr. Tanner, I suggest that you go to the county, state and

national employment circulars and see what is available there. The county

jobs are listed out front, the city and federal jobs are listed in city hall.

Heres my card and call me if you need anything. Anything at all; in fact, I'd

like you to give me a call early next week and tell me what is going on with

your job hunting!"
     Tanner could tell that Miller was sincere but was too
inexperienced to know how ultimately powerless Miller and the system he

represented was.
     Tanner spent the next hour going through the job openings for all jobs.

There were plenty of openings for people with specialized degrees and for

nurses and for people eager to work in gas stations for minimum wage. The

county jobs were equally barren but there were a couple of clerical jobs that

he thought looked promising. Tanner took the applications for those jobs and

trundled over to a local burger joint for a quick colostral and fat fix and

began filling out the forms. After his act of
defiance to the National Heart Association, Tanner left the burger joint and

drove to the library just off South Alpine; the library was on his map of

Rockford.
     Tanner then spent the rest of the afternoon filling out the county job

application, xeroxed them and mailed them off. Then, feeling that he had at

least accomplished something positive, Tanner went back to the Alpine Inn and

watched some TV.
     Around 8 pm, he drove over to Magna, bought some peanut butter, bread,

Dr. Pepper and returned to the Alpine Inn for an evening of alternatively

worrying about his future and
daydreaming about the wonderful things awaiting him in the
"Stateline Area" if things just worked out right.
     One thing was for damn sure; he'd have to find a place to live since he

couldn't keep going on $45/night at the Alpine Inn for a lot longer.
     The next morning, he slept in until almost 8 am and wondered down to the

dining room of the Alpine Inn. The same waitress from the day before walked

up to him.
     "Good morning! What will it be this morning?"
     "Well, I'd like to say a nice high paying job but that seems kind of

presumeous. I think I'd like some corn flakes, coffee and some toast."
     "Well, honey, you can't have both the corn flakes and the toast, but,

that couple over there didn't want their toast so it's yours now." She

paused, "and don't we all want that high paying job?"
     She handed Tanner a confused handful of newspapers and bustled off into

her kitchen. As she was making the toast, her other customers left.
     Tanner was reading the classified section of the paper when the waitress

returned. Since he was beginning to feel lonely, he stood up and pulled the

chair out for her to sit down.
     "Thank you, honey, weren't you looking for jobs yesterday?"      "Sure

was. My name is Bill Tanner, by the way."
     "Pleasure, Bill, I'm Annabelle Lee Johnston. My parents liked an old

poem by Edgar Rice Poe. I never have understood why they named me that since

the poem is so sad."
     Tanner knew she meant Edgar Allen Poe but had never read the poem

himself; it was one of the assignments he had ducked out of in high school

English.
     "So, Bill, did you have any luck yesterday?"
     "No, not really, I talked to the VA man and sent in
applications for two county jobs. The jobs in the job bank just didn't appeal

to me."
     "Low pay and don't seem to require any intelligence?"
     "Yes!"
     "You're going to find that in a lot of places around here. This just

isn't a big industrial center."
     "I'm beginning to get a little concerned."
     "You're still mobile, why not go someplace like De-troit or to Chicago?"
     "I may be pigheaded but I still want to find out about Rockford. That

friend of mine told me so much about Rockford."      "So what do you have

planned for today, Bill?"
     Tanner didn't mind a little mothering from Annabelle; the thought that

someone cared enough to ask felt rather good to him.      "I'm going to look

into the city and state jobs. The federal jobs all have long application

times and might as well wait till I've gotten these other jobs applied for."
     "If you don't mind some practical advise, Bill," Annabelle paused since

she knew that most people wanted advise as much as they wanted a root canal.
     "Sure."
     "Get a place to stay! They're charging you too much for your room and

besides, they've got the State Democratic Convention coming to town next

week. You're going to have to move out on Sunday at the latest!"
     "DAMN! I thought I had more time." Tanner was also thinking about how

the front desk had not mentioned this when he checked in. They had seemed

happy when he had told them his stay would only be for a couple of days.
     They got out the classified section of the paper and began looking.
     "How about having a roommate?"
     "I don't know about that, I'm kind tired of having to put up with other

people. Besides, they all want a lot of money."      "What about this one

bedroom apartment?"
     "Looks good, rent is about $300/month. I can afford that."      "It is

not furnished and you still don't have a job. Better figure on a minimum wage

job, Bill!"
     "Well, at $4/hour and forty hours per week that would be $640/month

before taxes."
     "After taxes and social security and other B.S. you might be taking home

$400/month. You look like a big eater, Bill, so I think you should look for a

cheaper place."
     Tanner wasn't feeling to happy about having to figure his future in this

way; he was feeling rushed and out of place.      Annabelle Lee Johnston

interpreted Tanner's reaction as
rebellion to her advise and remembered one of her husband's favorite sayings:

"Most people want advise like they want a second A-hole."
     "Excuse me Bill, I have to do some things behind the
counter."
     She went behind the counter, cleaned up, made another pot of coffee and

got out her copy of People magazine. Meanwhile, Tanner was giving serious

thought to what she had said and was looking for furnished rooms, unfurnished

rooms and residence hotels. The YMCA sounded good to him but it was out of

the question; where Tanner had been raised, the YMCA had suffered from the

mistaken belief that it was a "queer hangout" and a place where the local

bums lived. Unfortunately, Tanner had never checked out these statements.
     The next best place was a travel trailer for $150/month and after that

the Grand Hotel for $160/month. He went wondered over to Annabelle Lee.
     "I found two places that sound good. The first is a travel trailer..."
     "DON'T take it, Bill! Have you ever seen a real bad
thunderstorm?"
     "...trailer." He paused. "No, not in maybe ten years. Why?"      "We get

bad thunderstorms around here and sometimes
tornados. They can destroy a travel trailer in an F-ing
heartbeat!"
     "Come on, if they're so bad, why are people buying them?"      

"They're cheaper than a real house. Besides, do you know the old joke? 'What

makes tornadoes?'"
     Tanner thought about the meteorology he had learned as a Navy

Quartermaster and from hanging out with the ship's weather guessers. He could

tell her the scientific answer but couldn't guess the punchline to her joke.
     "I don't know, what?"
     "Travel trailers make tornadoes!"
     Tanner groaned then laughed at the joke.
     "What is your second place?"
     "Grand Hotel on Broadway for $160/month. Comes furnished."
      "Sounds good and they should be open by now."
     "Thanks! I appreciate your help!"
     Tanner could take a "subtle" hint very well after his time in the Navy.

Annabelle Lee refilled his coffee cup and then took a carafe out to the

reception desk. Tanner left a Susan B.
Anthony "quarter" on the counter and then got out his map and figured out

where the Grand Hotel was.
     Tanner parked out front and walked into the faded looking lobby with

it's ancient furniture and dark spots under low
wattage table lamps. There was a faint odor of mildew that
reminded Tanner of his grandparent's house. The inhabitants of the lobby had

that patina of old pain and ancient memories that made Tanner feel almost an

alien. On ship, Tanner had been one of the "old timers"; he wasn't here.
     The day clerk put on a tired smile.
     "How can I help you, sir?"
     "I just moved into town and I'd like to rent a room."
     The day clerk relaxed and shelved his smile; he had been afraid that

Tanner was a housing inspector or perhaps a cop. He looked like he could have

been either. The day clerk rang for the manager.
     "What can I do for you, Sir?"
     "I just moved into town and I'd like to rent a room."
     "By the week or the month."
     "By the month."
     The manager figured that Tanner must be the heat and took him up to the

second floor where he had the better rooms. He lead Tanner into a room that

had an old bed, a dresser with a faded walnut finish and a great view of the

building next door. Tanner could tell that there was a dumpster nearby from

the smell but it was not in direct sight.
     The room looked at below standard to the manager; to Tanner, who had

just come off of a crowded ship, this room looked better than the "stateroom"

his division officer had occupied aboard the USS Blue Ridge.
     "I like it!"
     The strangest feature of the room was also the feature that appealed the

most to Tanner. The room had a bath with a seven foot bathtub, sink and

mirror in a small bathroom; there was no toilet. After years onboard ship

with only communal showers, Tanner thought the bathtub was ideal. The manager

took Tanner to the communal toilet.
     "We clean it every day and more often if there are any, any, ah, any

problems."
     Tanner knew about "problems" from years of living with young sailors who

had gotten drunk for the first time in foreign ports where the only drinking

age was whatever age was old enough to have money and make it into the bar.

There were a lot of
Mediterranean counties where Tanner had visited the seaport towns and he

finally realized that he had not actually visited those countries. The Navy

had cut back on Special Services funds for ship crews visits to scenic places

in foreign countries.
     "Looks good, I'll take it! When is the earliest I can move in?"
     "Monday. Lets go down to the office. You should realize that your new

neighbors are mostly elderly and mostly low income. Also, you can rent a

refrigerator for an extra $20 per month but you can't cook in your room. Fire

marshall don't like it."
     "What about a hotplate for coffee?"
     "That's OK, just let me see it before you use it. I don't care what kind

of coffee you make but I got to make sure the fire marshall won't bust me."
     "Fine with me!" Tanner was feeling real accommodating since getting a

cheap room was a major concern of his.
     "Oh", the manager winked, "open the window before making your coffee.

Some folks around here make real strange coffee. Some of their coffee smells

like food cooking. You know what I mean?"
     "Ah, yes."
     "Well, I never check those rooms 'cause I know people like their

privacy."
     Tanner would later discover that the Manager lived behind the counter

and liked to make coffee that smelled like macaroni and cheese or hamburgers

or like boiling vegetables.
     Tanner handed the manager a check for $180 after he signed off on the

room rental agreement. It was not a lease so he could leave in a hurry. There

was a sign behind the counter listing the number of empty rooms and Tanner

figured he was in no danger of being evicted. The manager had not asked

Tanner where he was employed and had taken Tanner's Navy Federal Credit Union

check without question. The check bore Tanner's mailing address on the USS

Blue Ridge.
     Then, Tanner left for city hall.
     There, he found one spot that displayed city jobs. He picked up a job

application for a part time city clerical job and took an application for a

road work job. Then, he went up to the little room which featured the Federal

Jobs. There were two books which listed Federal jobs. The first book

contained an
application for the National Weather service which Tanner took; he wasn't too

hopeful about this but figured it was worth trying for. The other

applications were for CIA jobs. There were a number of these and the three

that appealed to Tanner were the Foreign Broadcast Information Service and

two intelligence
analysis jobs. Tanner didn't feel that he was qualified for any of the jobs

but he certainly wasn't going to turn them down. The chances of getting a

spook job were just too amusing to turn down.
     Then, he went to lunch at Wendy's and tried to take it easy on the

costs. He bought the all-you-can-eat salad bar and left feeling stuffed.
     He went to Cherry Vale mall and saw the sights without buying anything.
     He returned to the Red Roof Inn without having talked to anyone since

lunch and had a couple of peanut butter sandwich and went to bed early.
     Saturday morning, he again had breakfast at the dining room but his

talkative waitress wasn't there; the meal seemed rather depressing without

her conversation.
     Tanner left and headed for Rock Cut park. He went up Alpine and turned

east on Riverside. Off to one side was an industrial park and a place called

GAFman, Inc. was advertising:

          HIGH PAYING JOBS!
          FULL BENEFITS!
          Apply within.

     Tanner was wearing neat blue jeans (actually the trousers from an old

set of Navy work clothes) and had on a t-shirt. He went into the front

office.
     "Hi! I'd like to apply for a job here."
     "Fill out this form. Have you ever worked in industrial work before?"
     "I've worked in warehouses before and I ran a forklift for a year."
     "Good. We need operators for our fork lifts. Can you lift a lot of

weight?"
     "Yes".
     Tanner filled out the form, drank a cup of incredibly bad coffee and

waited for the office man to return.
     "I just talked to the day shift foreman and he says you're hired! Be

back here on Tuesday."
     "Thank you!"
     Tanner left with a song in heart and total ignorance of what he'd just

signed on for. Tanner had yet to learn the value of planning ahead and taking

charge of his life.
     The trip to Rock Cut Park seemed very long and once there, he rented a

row boat and cruised Pierce park for the day. He had too many soft drinks and

discovered a greasy delight called
"brats". Tanner would later look back on this day as being one of the best in

Rockford.
     Sunday morning, the desk clerk told him that he could stay until

Tuesday. Monday morning, he checked out of the Alpine Inn.      He went to

have breakfast with his friendly waitress,
Annabelle Lee.
     "I got hired by GAFman, Inc. and I'll move into the Grand Hotel today!"
     "I'm very glad to hear that, Bill. What kind of places are these?"
     "The Grand Hotel is fairly nice, seems kind of old though. Room is about

the same as the Navy BOQ my division officer moved into on Guam when he went

on shore duty" (Tanner didn't know that the Orote Point Navy BOQ was

considered grossly substandard). "The Grand Hotel has atmosphere."

//the above footnote: No cooking facilities, old rooms but the bar was cheap

when I roomed there in the sprint of 1983; my wife was going to Navy Officer

Candidate School herself and I was forced to give up base housing.//

     "It has that all right" was the kindest remark Annabelle Lee could come

up with.
     "I don't know about this GAFman, Inc. but I'll find out tomorrow."
     "I've never heard of it, myself. Will you need help moving your stuff?"
     "No. All I have is my TV, a seabag of uniforms, a seabag of civilian

clothing and a small suitcase. Most of my stuff is in storage in southern

California; the Navy will hold it for me for about six months. I want to get

settled in before I call for it."     

"Very smart idea, Bill!" Annabelle

Lee's opinion of Bill Tanner went up drastically with that last remark of

his.
     She refilled his coffee cup.
     "Anytime you feel like talking, just come back."
     "Thanks!"
     Tanner paid his bill with his VISATM card and drove over to his new

abode.
     The manager was at the front desk when Tanner walked up and simply

handed him the room key. In the lobby, the other residents watched Tanner

with very little interest. Tanner made two trips hauling his stuff up to his

room; he unpacked his work clothing and underwear, filled the refrigerator

and opened the window. Then, he plugged in the TV and watched for a couple of

hours.      After that excitement paled, Tanner went downstairs to the
lounge. As he went down the hall, he nodded to an elderly woman who had been

scurrying into her room. He could feel her eyes on his back for a long moment

before her door sighed shut.
     In the lounge, he nodded at several people who glanced at him. Then, he

read an article on fishing for trout thru iceholes; the article was in an

issue of "Field and Stream" that was older than he was!
     Tanner walked around outside for a while and ate dinner at a McDonald.

He wasn't feeling like trying to be friendly and went to bed early. It took

him a long time to doze off.

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

     Tanner got up around 6 am, dressed in new bluejeans, a baggy green t-

shirt and his old Navy work boots (called boondockers). He ate a peanut and

jelly sandwich and made a couple more to take with him. He figured he could

get a drink at work.
     The trip out to GAFman Inc. seemed to take forever. Tanner had several

anxious moments thinking that he had taken a wrong turn somewhere and was

hopelessly lost and would be late for work and would be fired-before-he-began

working.
     Tanner arrived at work without incident and twenty minutes early.
     He sat in the parking lot and watched employees start
wondering in about 6 45 am. He wandered in about 6 55 am. In the Navy, there

had always been some kind of security; sometimes the security was simply a

waiting room with private offices beyond a swinging door. The room he walked

into was huge and had rows of equipment or supplies filling it. The men

(there were no women) were gathered in a dispirited looking group at a table

next to the time clock. There was a coffee machine that offered little paper

cups of coffee for only $50 each. Tanner had been used to getting such cups

of coffee for $10 when in the Navy.
     Tanner stood for a minute and waited for someone, anyone, to acknowledge

his presence and to ask what he wanted. No one did. When the men began

punching in, Tanner asked one of the more alert looking specimens:
     "Hi! I'm new here and where do I go to get checked in?"      "Checked

in," the man looked puzzled.
     "I mean," Tanner corrected himself, "where is the foreman?"      "Oh,

him, he'll be in a while. Sit here and he'll see you."      "Thank you."
     Tanner sat down and began waiting; out of the corner of his eye he saw

the "helpful" man talking with some others and
glancing toward him. Tanner didn't mind this and was glad that he had been

noticed.
     A bulky man walked up to him around 7 35 am and began with:      "Who

are you? Salesmen are supposed to go around front? What are you doing here?"
     "I'm Bill Tanner and I was just hired to be a forklift operator. One of

the guys told me to wait here for the foreman."      "Who told you that?

You're supposed to go to the front
office?"
     "I don't remember who it was."
     "Well, all right, there's some forms to be filled out. I'll go get

them."
     As the foreman trundled off, Tanner noticed that the man who had

"helped" him was looking relieved. It occurred to Tanner that the man's bad

advise could have cost the "helpful" one his job. That was a sobering

thought.
     "Fill these out and bring them back to me."
     There was a timecard to be filled out; the foreman had already written

in the check-in time of 7 am. Then Tanner read a booklet with the companies's

policies, signed a receipt for that, read three booklets on fork lift safety

and signed receipts for them, filled in the answers in a "closed book fork

lift operator safety test" and read the pamphlet on medical insurance. The

operator safety test had a spot on there for the name of the "monitor" who

was supposed to make sure he didn't cheat on the test. The problem was that

the medical insurance cost would be a week's pay and Tanner didn't know if it

was worth the cost. However, Tanner didn't want to pay full price for medical
expenses.
     The "helpful" man wandered over and got himself a cup of coffee. Tanner

noticed that the "helpful" man had hit the side of the coffee machine and

gotten his pair of quarters back.
     "Thanks for not roaching on me. He'd a-fired me for not sending you to

the front office. I'm George by the way."
     "You're welcome, George. Why would he have fired you?"      "Tried to

get a union started here two, three, years ago. Just can't get unions started

around here. Want a cup of coffee?"      "Sure." Tanner reached into a pocket

for the change.
     After working his quarter retrieving trick, George handed Tanner his cup

of coffee.
     "You new here?"
     "Yup. Just moved to Rockford."
     "Well, we can talk later...the foreman just walked in and he'll think

I'm helping you cheat." George was smiling and laughing softly as he wondered

off; the foreman didn't see him.      "Tanner, you're not supposed to drink

coffee if you ain't on coffee break and I say who can take coffee breaks.

Nobody drinks coffee 'less they are on break. Understand?"
     "Yes." Behind the foreman's back, George raised his coffee cup in

mocking salute to the foreman.
     "Lets see these forms. Did ya cheat on the test?"
     "No sir!"
     "Good, good." The foreman filled in the blank spot on the safety test

marked "Monitor" and in doing so, certified that he had watched Tanner take

the test. Tanner had known people in the Navy who "gun decked" or falsified

documents but he had never seen anyone falsify anything this important.
     "As for coffee, it costs you $.50 a cup. It is a good idea to hit the

machine here since your change might be stuck in the machine. Everybody does

it..."
     The foreman showed Tanner where to hit the machine and then drank the

coffee he'd just "paid" for.
     "OK. Thanks for the information."
     "George will show you around the plant. You'll work with him for the

next day or so."
     George, who had been eavesdropping, walked over.
     "Come on, I'll show ya around. We make fuel tanks fer
various companies. Your job'll be to use the forklift and move sheet steel to

the rolling gear and tanks in various stages of 'ssembly around."
     By this time the foreman had disappeared.
     "Whatever ya do, don't sign up fer that medical insurance the turd's

trying to git you to sign up for!"
     "Why not?"
     "That turd of a foreman is the insurance agent and gits a commission..."
     "That's a conflict of interest!"
     "...commission and the plant manager don't care 'cause he gits his cut

too. If'fn ya do git sick, go to the county hospital and they'll only charge

ya what you can afford to pay. Work here full time and that'll be free

medical. I went to the county..." (From the corner of his eye Tanner saw the

foreman trying to "sneak" up on them and was about to warn George) "...and

after we test the tanks, we takes them to shipping for packaging and they're

sent to various assembly plants. We get military
inspectors in here all the time...so we all work good and hard!"      The

foreman left and Tanner knew that George had seen the foreman.
     "I was about to tell you he was 'sneaking up' on us."
     "Ya didn't need to...the turd likes to sneak around an' I saw you jump."
     Tanner was a bit embarrassed at being so transparent.
     "What's the foreman's name?"
     "Don't know; most guys just have cuss names for him and none of us want

to remember his name. He don't seem to notice either."

     They spent the rest of the afternoon moving steel sheets with the

forklift; the sheets were 6' by 10' by 1/2" and were ridiculously heavy.

Shortly before quitting time at 4 PM, the foreman wandered up to Tanner.
     "You have to go to medical, git your flu shot."
     "Flu shot?"
     "Yeah, everyone has to get them."
     Medical was a small dusty room that was normally used for storing

lumber. They had used the rest of the lumber making boxes and the new

supplies hadn't arrived.
     A woman in the traditional white nurse dress handed Tanner a piece of

paper to read and a card to sign. Tanner got in line behind five other

employees. The piece of paper simply said that he was required to have the

flu shots. The card had a statement on it which relieved GAFman, Inc. of all

responsibility should any side effects occur to employees. Tanner knew better

than to sign the card.
     The nurse probably didn't expect anyone to sign it either and hadn't

handed out pens. When the foreman had left she said: "Don't sign that card

and don't say I told you. If you get sick, you can go to the hospital and

claim it as a workman's comp illness. I didn't tell you this..."
     The nurse gave the five people their shots and they left. As they were

leaving, Tanner heard the nurse tell the foreman: "I was just told to give

the shots; it wasn't my job to get your workers to sign your companies's

liability release!"
     Tanner figured the foreman had screwed up and didn't want to tell his

boss. At quitting time, the foreman was still looking worried.

     Tanner decided to splurge and bought a Big Mac, fries and chocolate

shake; this was the traditional meal out when he was on board ship in San

Diego. Then, he returned to "home sweet home" and wondered in.
     An elderly woman was standing in front of her door as Tanner started to

go around her.
     "Are you the new boy who just moved in?"
     "Yes, ma'am, I am."
      Tanner thought he was no boy, but, considered that this woman was

probably fifty years older than him, he didn't mind.        "My name is Emma

Andrews and I live in this room. I have lived here for nigh on ten years;

ever since my Henry died."      "I'm Bill Tanner and I just moved to

Rockford. You're the first person I've met here."
     "Well, it was nice to meet you, Bill. I'm going to see some of my

friends...you're welcome to come along."
     "I'd like to but some other time. I'm tired and need to get cleaned up."
     Emma didn't argue with Bill who reeked a bit and she went on her way.

Tanner took a quick shower and then ate his "feast". He felt like having a

drink and had a beer while watching TV. Then, he started feeling lonely and

this was something that was new to him. Tanner was used to being in the

crowded environment of a ship where he could always find someone to talk

with. Here, he felt out of place and strangely enough, did not feel the
confidence to go socialize. He decided to take up Emma Andrews offer some

other time.
     Around midnight, he woke up coughing from post nasal drip; he took a

couple of decongestants and went back to sleep.
     The next morning, Tanner forced himself to eat some coffee that tasted

like oatmeal (he even cooked his illegal meal in an old coffee pot!) and a

couple of decongestants. Making his two peanut butter sandwiches was almost

too much of a chore. The trip to work went by very quickly and Tanner was

looking forward to his second day in his "new civilian career!".
     Tanner got into line with his other coworkers and plugged his two

quarters into the coffee machine; then, like the rest he tapped the machine

to "get back his change" and retrieved his two quarters. While sipping the

"coffee", Tanner reflected on the thought that the company should have been

paying him to drink the "coffee".
     George trundled over to Tanner.
     "Bill, I'm been listening to that turd talking to the boss; they didn't

think I was around. They were by the front door when I was getting a sip of

water."
     Tanner wondered about this but figured that any intelligence collecting

was worth the doing.
     "The boss is pissed off that the turd didn't collect those sheets that

said we had to get our flu shots and he can't
understand how his secretary could have lost the waivers!"
     "Well, I don't know squat about those waivers. It was my first day and I

lost track of everything I signed!"
     Both men snickered at this bullshit remark.
     "Well, we gota git you checked out on the big fork lift this morning."
     The foreman wondered over.
     "Boss," George said, "I'm going to show the new guy how to run the big

forklift."
     "Fine, fine, don't bother me!"

     The big fork lift was so squat and heavy that if it were a man, it would

have been a sumo wrestler. It had the highest set of rails Tanner had ever

seen on a fork lift and could reach loads up to 25 feet above the ground.

Tanner took to it like he was born for driving it.
     Every break, Tanner was drinking water and popping his decongestants. At

lunch, Tanner could barely stomach his meal. Around 3 pm, Tanner lost his

lunch and spent most of the rest of the work day "worshiping the porcelain

goddess".
     Tanner was just coming out of the men's room when the
foreman called everyone together.
     "We can't find those forms you men signed yesterday...those waiver forms

for the flu shots. I need to have everyone sign them again!"
     "Hey, boss," a woman Tanner didn't know piped up, "we signed them things

once and my brother says we don't need to sign them again!"
     "What your brother think he is, some kind of a lawyer?"      "Yeah, it

is, works for Lynn Martin."
     Tanner could hear the foreman mutter "oh FUCK!" under his breath.
     "Y'all go home, now, punch out so I can git home myself!"      The next

ten minutes was spent with everyone patiently waiting in line to punch out

exactly at 4 pm. All thirty employees from all divisions punched by between 4

pm and 4 02 pm. (@check for employee numbers)
     The foreman walked up to Tanner whose nose was dripping with his

exhalation and whose nose was rubbed red.
     "You signed that waiver, right? You turned in all the pieces of paper

that we gave out, right?"
     Tanner violent head motions as he lurched into a sneeze were

misinterpreted by the foreman as a nodded yes. The foreman would later regret

this lapse.
     Tanner stopped off at a drug store and bought several boxes of cleanex

and returned to the hotel. He spent the next several hours being miserable

before there was a knock on his door. Emma opened his door and walked in with

a couple of old men her age. She simply put her hand on Tanner's forehead and
pronounced: "You have quite a fever, Bill and I want to know what you've done

about it?"
     "Took...pills...aspirin".
     She snorted. "Thought so, didn't do the right thing."
     One of the old men handed Tanner a pill from a prescription bottle and

handed him a glass of liquid to wash it down with. The liquid had about a 50

proof kick and the pill started working about five minutes later.
     "Doc gave me those pills the last time I had new-moan-yah," the old man

said. "The cough syrup is home brew."
     "Thanks."
     Emma had left and now returned with some chicken soup broth. Tanner had

heard jokes for years about Jewish grannies with their chicken soup but

wasn't about to turn it down. About this time, the hotel manager wandered in

and handed Tanner a mug of his own chicken soup.
     "You need a cup of my coffee, lad."
     Tanner had never figured that he would have to get sick in order to meet

his neighbors, but, wasn't about to argue the results.
     Tanner never remembered when the "party" broke up and when a couple of

men put him to bed. He woke up the next morning feeling somewhat better and

had some breakfast. He had to run a red light to make it to work on time.
     "You look like shit!" was the foreman's friendly greeting. "Take the day

off and get healthy, don't want you making everyone else sick."
     "OK, OK, I'm outa here! Thanks for the sick leave."
     The foreman just stared and Tanner felt like the stares of his co-

workers had pinned up down like a butterfly in a biology lab dissection

experiment.

     Tanner went to the county hospital.
     His education was about to begin.

     Tanner walked up to the receptionist nurse.
     "I need to see a doctor."
     "What is your problem, sir?"
     "I think I have the flu."
     "Have you ever been here before? Do you have a family
doctor?"
     "Nope."
     "Please fill out this form, sir and I will be right with you."
     While Tanner filled out the form, he heard the nurse tell a patient

where the X-Ray room was, tell another employee how to fill out a form and

watched her take another arrival's "vitals". Tanner got hung up on the

insurance part of the form.
     "I don't have insurance."
     "None? Are you sure that you employer doesn't have
insurance?"
     "I just started working and haven't filled out the insurance forms yet."
     "How much do you make, Mr Tanner."
     Tanner handed her all his paperwork: his employment forms, the flu shot

order and the unsigned waiver.
     "I had a flu shot yesterday."
     "So I see. I also see that you did not sign this waiver form. Correct?"
     "Yes, so what?"
     "This flu shot order makes your case of the flu, if it is the flu, a job

related illness. Now, I am not a lawyer but
(Tanner could sense unofficial legal advise coming) I would not sign this

waiver. It is your only protection from having to pay us if you have the flu!

OK?"
     "I understand."
     "Good. I'll just have you fill in the rest of this form after you see

the doctor. We have to charge based upon ability to pay. Ability to pay can

depend on your bank account as well as the amount of money you make."
     Tanner began to feel very insecure because he could see his Navy Federal

Credit Union savings disappearing like a piece of ice in a hot oven.
     A couple of minutes later, he was escorted into a small curtained off

cubicle where his vital signs were taken. Then he waited for a while.
     Finally, a young man arrived, looked at Tanner folder and said "How are

we today?"
     "Sick, doc, I think I have the flu."
     "You may have, Bill. Turn you head, please."
     The MD went through the usual routine of checking Tanner's ears, nose,

throat and listened to his back and chest. Then, the MD went back to reading

the folder.
     "Sometimes, people develop severe reactions to flu shots. You show all

the symptoms of such a reaction. I will give you a prescription for some

decongestants and...are you allergic to aspirin?"
     "No, doc."
     "Good! I like aspirin since it is a good pain killer and handles fever.

You're too old for us to worry about Ryes'
Syndrome. ALSO, keep this "flu shot order" in a safe place. The reception

nurse made a couple of zerox copies for our records. Also, don't sign that

damned waiver!"
     "OK."
     The MD nodded at Tanner and then left. Tanner took his prescription to

the pharmacy and waited for the obligatory 35 minutes for his prescription.
     When he visited the receptionist nurse, Tanner opened the conversation

by saying that he would put the original copy of the flu shot order in a safe

place. The nurse nodded in approval. Tanner "forgot" to write on the form how

much he had in his savings account.
     Tanner called GAFman, Inc (@make sure this Inc and not LTD) and talked

to the receptionist.
     "Hi, I'm Bill Tanner and I just started working yesterday. I've got the

flu and the doctor says I need to take a couple of days off. Can I talk to

the foreman?"
     The receptionist put him on hold.
     "That new man is sick and needs some time off. What should I tell him?"
     "Oh, hell, tell him to come back on Monday."
     The secretary relayed this to Tanner.
     "What did he saw was the matter with him?" The boss'
question was idle and he really didn't care what the answer was; the boss

took a sip of coffee.
     "Said that he has the flu?"
     The boss sprayed a mouthful of coffee across his hand.      "FIND THOSE

WAIVER FORMS! And get the foreman up here NOW!"      For the next hour, the

three argued about where the forms were and hunted for them. The foreman knew

he didn't dare confess to having not collected either the flu shot order or

the waiver forms. This would be an error that would cost GAFman in worker's

comp money and a couple of law suits over the next couple of years. But,

these three didn't know that...yet...

     Tanner took his medication, the completed forms and went to a local

bank. He opened a checking account and cashed some
traveler's checks and put in $50. Having covered himself (or so he thought)

with respect to the "what is your bank account
balance" question, he then rented a safe deposit box and put his papers in

it. He put one of the safety deposit box keys on his keyring and the other

key inside a pocket of his wallet. Then he went home.
     Tanner spent the rest of the week just hanging around
"home". He spent some time talking with his "neighbors" and a lot of time

just resting. It wasn't for several years that Tanner would learn that

excessive sleeping is one way that depression expresses itself; Tanner didn't

feel depressed but then he wasn't particularly introspective or in touch with

his feelings.
     On Saturday, Tanner's conscience finally let him leave the hotel. If he

had walked outside earlier, Tanner's subconscious would have tried, convicted

and punished him for dereliction of duty. Tanner was glad to be out on the

weekend.
     Tanner went to Dennys over by the K-Mart and had one of his favorite

meals: Chicken Fried Steak, fried eggs and fried
potatoes. He knew this was the colostral special but he figured it was well

worth it...
     After this meal, Tanner went to the main branch of the Rockford city

library and read magazines for a while. He picked up the latest copy of "All

Hands", the official Navy magazine but didn't read it. Then, he looked at

"Navy Times" but really didn't read much. The section that got most of his

attention was the cartoons.
     He spent a considerable amount of time reading Time,
Newsweek and three newspapers.
     "Bright and Early" Monday morning, Tanner showed up early for work at

GAFman, Inc. He had been thinking "Bright and Early" in a positive sense

since he was eager to begin work again; he thought GAFman, Inc. had to be a

decent place to work since they had given a new-boy employee three days off

to get over the flu.      Tanner walked in and punched in; as he did, his

"buddy" George walked over to say:
     "Yu're in deep shit, Bill, the boss says anyone who calls in sick his

first week is 'History! Just plain history around
here!'. I overheard the boss telling the turd that! I don't  think that he

heard me!"
     "Thanks for the warning!"
     Tanner knew he was fired now and he also knew that the correct spelling

of the day was "Moanday" not "Monday". He went over to the coffee machine and

did the 50 cent retrieval trick; the coffee was worth every penny he paid for

it!
     The straw boss waddled over to Tanner.
     "There you are! I want to talk with you right now!"
     The other employees were drifting off quickly even thought it was five

minutes till starting time and began congregating near the restrooms. Tanner

knew that a bit of divergence was
necessary.
     "Let me get you a cup of coffee!"
     Tanner fed his pair of quarters into the machine but was careful to

refrain from hitting the machine. The strawboss hit the machine, took the

change and began "doctoring" his coffee with artificial sweetener and

synthetic milk; these were his "weight reduction measures". He washed a sweet

roll down with this contaminated coffee.
     Tanner walked over and punched in while the strawboss was amusing

himself and so the meeting began after the start of the workday.
     "Tanner, you are fired!"
     "Sir! What am I fired for?"
     "For screwing off, That's what! You didn't come to work last week."
     "I called in sick and the boss's secretary told me that the boss said I

could have the rest of the week off. Sir! Why don't you ask her?"
     "She's no longer with this company. Anyway, here's your pink slip. Sign

it and get out!"
     Tanner looked at the check and noticed that GAFman, Inc! sure was

concerned about making sure that the proper tax
deductions were taken out. In fact, he had never seen a check with 40% taken

out for taxes, workman's comp and other such items.
     "Just one little problem, sir, this check does not cover this morning."
     "You haven't worked this morning!"
     "I punched in before you started talking to me, SIR and according to..."
     "Don't tell me what I gotta pay you for!"
     "...to the contract I signed, SIR, I am entitled to a
minimum of four hours pay if I show up and am fired! SIR!"
     Tanner had learned the gentle art of making "sir" sound like an

obscenity; he had learned it from accidentally watching a former Navy

division officer politely fighting with his
department head.
     "Oh, shit! Wait right here and I'll go get you four hours blood money."
     Tanner carefully looked at the check which was in front of several other

papers. The papers were arranged in so that each paper had a slightly larger

piece of paper behind it. There was an x on the bottom of each sheet where

Tanner was supposed to sign. It was an easy and quick way for Tanner to sign

each sheet.      George wandered by and muttered the unnecessary warning:

"Read each God-damned sheet of paper."
     The first three sheets were his W-2. His copy, the plant's copy and IRS

copy. Next was a sheet giving the reason for his dismissal (absence without

leave); George changed this to read "approved sick leave" and wrote on the

bottom "Change approved by Leonard Smithson" (the strawboss). The last sheet

was a waiver for the flu shot that said:

     * Tanner was getting the shot voluntarily
     * The company wasn't responsible for any side effects
     * Tanner waived any workman's comp rights in case of illness     
     Tanner folded the last sheet in two so that it didn't show up.
     The strawboss returned and said "What! You haven't signed it yet?"
     "I will now!" Tanner then signed all the visible sheets. "Oh, by the

way, it says here you've got to sign this as a
witness."
     The strawboss signed the part that said he was a witness to change in

the "reason for separation" statement.
     "I would like a copy of these statements as well as my severance pay."
     "You ain't getting no severance pay, shithead, just this four hours

pay."
     Tanner counted his pay, which was in cash, twice to make sure it was

correct. Then, the two men went off to get a copy of the papers made. The new

secretary simply zeroxed the forms, raised her eyebrows at the folded sheet

and straightened it out then stamped the copied sheets as "CERTIFIED TRUE

COPIES" and sent the forms in to be signed by the boss. This "worthy" was on

the phone to a supplier in Taiwan and didn't even read what had been placed

in front of him.
     Tanner started to walk back to the work floor.
     "Front door is that way."
     "I left my lunch on the break table."
     The straw boss escorted Tanner back to the break table but was

distracted by George. Tanner then worked the "quarter trick" to "buy" coffee

for everyone on the work floor and put the cups on the break table. He took a

couple for himself and left
quietly. By the time he was at the door, all of the coffee had been drunk.

George met him at the door and drank one of Tanner's two cups of coffee.
     "I'll keep in touch with you about anything coming up about you here."
     "Thanks!"
     So, Tanner left from his first firing in "the land of milk and honey"

and wondered where he had screwed up? Somehow, being on board ship wasn't

looking as bad as it used to!
     He paused in his car before starting the engine and made a gloomy survey

of the W-2. It included the hours he had worked his first week but didn't

include the time he had forced GAFman, Inc. into giving him. Tanner thought

about going back to GAFman, Inc. to get a corrected copy of his W-2 but the

thought of his immoral firing burned. He pictured going back like a dog

slinking back to the sadist that had been kicking him around; he knew that

GAFman, Inc. would just give him grief; he started his car and drove off.
     The cash payment was equal to about six hours pay.
     On the way home, Tanner stopped off at a liquor store and used the check

to buy a fifth of rum. The clerk didn't question Tanner out of state

identification and wasn't put off by the third party check //NOTE: Is this

really a third party check?//; Nor was the bank when they cleared the check.
     "So," Tanner thought, "I'm out of my second job in less than a month!

The first job 'cause I was dumb stupid enough to leave the Navy and this

second one 'cause I was dumb stupid enough to stay home while sick!"
 The thought was a bitter one and Tanner could feel the world closing

in on him. It was days like this that made him feel he was born damned and

would never amount to anything. He could picture himself hustling to get on

the steam grate with the most warmth and eating at soup kitchens. Somehow,

his potential and the people who could help him were factors that were

forgotten when he was sunk in moods like this. There was only one thing to

do!
     He drove over to Sinissippi Park and put on his running shoes. Then,

after stretching out, he ran for two miles and jogged back. After this, he

felt too physically bad to be
depressed. He stopped at a hot dog stand and bought a 1/4 lb dog from a

smiling extrovert named Janet. Janet was wearing a patch that said "Rockford

Yacht Club".
     "Hi, I didn't know that Rockford had a yacht club?"
     "We do, sort of. Actually we just formed the club and it will be meeting

next Monday. Are you a sailor?"
     "Yes, I sailed in the Navy; I qualified on Holder 12s and Cal 22s.

Perhaps I could join?"
     "Certainly! Just fill out this application form and we'll vote on you

next meeting."
     After noticing that the single member fee was $12/year, Tanner filled

out the form and paid in cash. At least something had gone right that day!
     Tanner talked with Janet for several more minutes before leaving. He

carefully refused to let himself think about how much food or rent that $12

could have paid for.
     Then, Tanner drove over to visit "his" V.A. representative.      Once

again, Tanner felt the atmosphere of pain and lost hopes; while he was

waiting for Ralph Miller, VAman, to get around to seeing him, Tanner went

through the listings of jobs available.      If you like macabre or ironic

humor, Tanner thought, this file was the right place to be reading! There was

one killer of a job:

     Assistant gas station manager, must hire, supervise, terminate, do the

books and be available for all shifts as necessary. Starting pay: $

3.65/hour.

     Tanner figured that any job with that much responsibility for such low

pay must be one which was tailor made for a
preselected candidate. Tanner figured that the employer was making the job

sound so hideously unfair in order to satisfy the
requirement for public availability and yet be able to hire the preselected

employee. There was probably a merit raise to $7 or $8 per hour set up to go

into effect in two months (retroactive of course).
     Tanner was finally summoned into Miller's office.
     "So, Bill, how are you doing in the civilian world?"
     "Not so good! I just fired from my first job..."
     "Yes?"
     "I got hired at a place called GAFman, Inc. almost two weeks ago. Worked

Tuesday and Wednesday of last week. They had us all take flu shots at work on

Tuesday. I had a bad reaction and ended up going to the hospital."
     "This sickness, this case of the flu, it was the flu? Did you have to

pay for it?"
     "No...I, ah, claimed it on workman's comp since the company told me it

was required; the flu shot that is."
     "Good! IF this company had it's employees get flu shots AND you reacted

badly to the shots, claim that on workman's comp! BUT! Don't sign any waivers

or admit it was you fault! Another thing, Bill, in Illinois workman's comp

cases can take years to be settled through the paperwork system. When, not

if, when you start getting dunning letters for the bills, just send them back

letters referring them to workman's comp!"
     "Ah, sure, does this come up very often?"
     "Quite often, Bill, quite often! Just make sure that you don't accept

responsibility for your case of the flu in any way, shape or fashion!"
     "Thanks! Anyway, last Thursday morning, I was sneezing an' wheezing and

the strawboss told me to go home. I went to the local hospital ...look in

previous text to get name of the hospital Tanner went to... and the visit was

carried on workman's comp. The people there told me the same thing about not

signing no papers and xeroxed the unsigned waiver sheet and order for the flu

shot. Then I called out to the shop and was told, by the boss's secretary,

that the man had given me time off. When I got to work this morning, they

told me that I was fired for
unauthorized absence and the strawboss tried to trick me into signing the

waiver. Left a real bad taste in my mouth especially since I was told that I

had the time off."
     Miller nodded.
     "I clocked in at 7 am, they paid me off for two days work last week and

then paid me on top of that for having clocked in today. They were very

concerned about making sure that there was enough tax deductions taken out of

my pay; they hit me up for 40% for taxes and workman's comp and suchlike.

     Tanner's irony was a subtle as shutting off one's
electricity as a way of saying "pay your electric bill"!
     "So they stuck it to you. You didn't pay for the medical insurance and

haven't signed any dangerous paperwork. You have three choices: Get another

job, go back in the service or go on welfare. Welfare is out since you sold

back leave time and can work. You haven't been out of the Navy long enough to

be nostalgic but if you're going back in, you'd better decide soon! That

leaves getting a job."
     Tanner nodded.
     "You can try looking for other places to work but probably your best bet

is to go to a temporary help agency and get hired on somewhere while you look

for a real job. DON'T just stick with Rockford or Love's Park or Machesney

Park. Think about Chicago or Oregon or Mt. Morris. Freeport is a good place

to look and is fairly close."
     "OK. Did anything come up for me?"
     Miller begin tapping keys on his computer and after a moment said

"Nothing meeting your skills or desires has come up. Have you moved or

changed your phone number?"
     Tanner wrote down his address and the phone number of the front desk of

the Grand Hotel and handed them to Miller.
     "Here is a list of temporary employment agencies. I can't personally

recommend any of them but I haven't heard anything bad about any of them.

Just expect to be doing hard work for very little real pay, no benefits worth

mentioning and no
medical...I'll keep looking for other jobs for you. Keep in touch!"
     "Thank you Mr. Miller."
     After he left Miller's office, Tanner decided to make a random selection

of temporary employment agencies. He looked at the second hand of his watch.

It was 53 seconds past the minute so Tanner looked at the fifth temporary

employment agencies's address. It was "Hard Charging Temps" and was located

somewhere on South Alpine. Tanner liked the name and wandered out to his car.

     Tanner walked into the office of "Hard Charging Temps" and was

immediately impressed with the appearance of the place. There were several

private offices, an obvious storeroom (he could see storage racks in that

room although the lights were off) and the receptionist was attentively

looking around whilst talking on the phone. She nodded at Tanner and waved

him over to a chair near her desk.
     She mouthed the words "Be right with you, sir" then
continued her conversation on the phone.
     After about a minute, the receptionist reached into one drawer and

pulled out several forms. She put her hand over the microphone and said: "Are

you applying for a job or do you wish to speak with anyone here?"
     "A job."
     "Then, please fill out these forms where they have been 'X'ed. There are

pencils on the table over there."
     Jason nodded at the woman who had already returned to her phone call.
     The forms were fairly simple and the most important items asked for his

job history and his references; somehow the job at GAFman Inc! didn't make

it's way onto the resume form (which was fortunate for Tanner!). He put down

his old leading Chief Petty officer, his old Division Officer, the

Operations' officer of his old ship and LTjg Wilhite; he would later be told

that LTjg Wilhite had not only written a glowing letter of recommendation but

had asked Hard Charging Temps to try talking Tanner into rejoining the Navy.
     Tanner returned the forms to the receptionist who had
finally finished her phone call and was doing some paperwork. The woman

glanced through the forms and murmured "too bad you didn't like the armed

forces" and finally asked Tanner if he was looking for "light industrial work

or clerical work?"
     "I've done both and I prefer office work."
     "Well, then, Bill, let's have you do the standard tests."      

Tanner first took a timed typing test; Tanner was used to
computer terminals where he could move the cursor to correct his errors. The

test was taken on an old IBM Selectric which did not have the erase key.

Tanner was justifiably afraid that he had bombed the accuracy test. Tanner

also felt good about the "find the misspelt word" test and the "filing

system" test. Finally, he took a test that required him to first identify the

values of a group of resistors (the receptionist had slipped him a pamphlet

on how to read resistors codes and then retrieved it saying that she was glad

that Tanner didn't need to learn the code on his own time.); Tanner thought

he had done fairly well at making clean solder connections on the practical

portion of the test.
     While the receptionist graded his test scores, Tanner drank some tepid

coffee and ate a cement hard donut in a corner of the office labeled

"Employees Lounge". He also read a pamphlet
entitled "Your Health Insurance" and ended up totally confused; the only

clear thing about the pamphlet was that the price of insurance was not given.
     Tanner knew he had flunked the clerical tests and the
electronic tests when the receptionist handed him an orange slip with only

the "Light Industrial Counselor" name highlighted. Once again, Tanner waited

to be called.
     Tanner sat down next to a woman whose name plate read
"AMANDA MILEA" and recited the start of the "getting-to-know-a-stranger-

routine":
     "Hi. I'm Bill Tanner."
     "I'm Amanda Milea. How are you today?"
     "Fine. How are you?" ("I should tell her I'm worried about my future and

only strong medication is keeping my nose from running", Tanner thought).
     "Just fine, Bill." ("I should tell him that I'm worried about my son's

grades, my feet hurt and it's almost that time of the month", Milea thought).
     They paused, then Milea continued.
     "Your scores weren't quite high enough for the clerical area and the

electronics firms haven't been hiring much lately; in fact, most of the

electronics firms have moved to either Taiwan or places in Mexico for the

cheap labor. You are qualified for work in light industry. I see here that

you're done a
considerable amount of clerical type work and have held
leadership positions. Also, you have worked with forklifts in the past and

done warehouse type work. There is one place coming open tomorrow. The work

description calls for a forklift operator in general extrusions at Larson

Plastics Inc. Are you interested in this?"
     "Perhaps. The forklift work sounds like something I've done before but

I'm not sure just what general extrusions means."      "The people at Larson

Plastics take pellets of plastic, melt then in ovens and extrude them as

sheets of plastic or rolls of
plastic sheeting. The job is about the highest paid we have and Larson almost

always hires their temporaries after a three month probation period. Also,

Larson requires employees to work for them six months before they start

receiving medical, dental and other benefits; the three month probation

period counts toward this time. The down side..."
     Tanner was street wise enough for now to think that the down side much

be a doozie."
     "...side is that the place stinks. The work is hard, the plant is noisy

and to be honest, the place stinks! But, beyond that, the work is good and

very highly paid. They work 12-hour day shift and 12-hour night shifts. They

work three days in a row and three days off. This means that some weeks

you'll work 36 hours and some weeks you'll get four hours overtime. However,

we have a deal with them so that you'll be paid for a 40-hour week on the 36

-hour weeks and receive the overtime on the 44-hour weeks."
     Tanner noticed that the "counselor" was acting like he had already taken

the job; in a sense he had since it was his only option.
     "That sounds good, but, if the job doesn't work out, can I quit there

without prejudice?"
     "You certainly may, Bill, we have plenty of assignments available!"

("But, if you do", Milea thought, "my boss will give you such poor

assignments that you'll beg to be reassigned to Larson!)
     "How do I start there?"
     "You've already filled out the paperwork so let me give them a call!"
     Milea was on the phone for several minutes.
     "You're hired. Here is a map of where to go (Milea used a yellow marker

to trace the route from Tanner's hotel to the Larson plant). Be there before

6 am and wear loose, sturdy
clothing. Bring a lunch and several drinks. Soft drinks are a nickel in their

machine. You get a fifteen minute break in the morning and another in the

afternoon; there is a twenty minute lunch break. The pay starts at

$5.50/hour. You came in here around 8 am this morning so I can pay you for

eight hours for today."
     Tanner rose with her and they shook hands before Tanner left with the

map. Milea wondered why someone like Tanner wasn't going to school or wasn't

trying to get a better job. Then, the
receptionist was waving another job applicant into her office and she forgot

about Tanner.
     Tanner wandered around downtown Rockford for the rest of the day and

returned to his hotel room where he had some "rice-beans-and-spam flavored

coffee and washed it down with some diet 7-Up. He made several sandwiches and

cooked some oatmeal; he had always like cold oatmeal with white sugar. His

work clothing was still clean so he simply laid out fresh underwear and

crashed early.      There was a parking lot in front of Larson Plastics

Inc. that Tanner parked at; there was a sign that said "Salesmen Please Go

Directly to the Sales Office". Tanner went in the nearest work entrance and

wondered through a dimly lit room with several racks of 2x8 pine boards and

storage racks that reached upwards at least 20 feet. He went past a MEN room

and walked up to a coffee machine. There were several young men sitting

around acting bored and in the distance, other young men were stacking sheets

of plastic. An androndous individual walked by and entered the WOMAN room. No

one took any notice of Tanner.
      "Excuse me", Tanner addressed one sleeping specimen, "I just got hired.

Where do I go?"
     "Just wait here an' the foreman will talk to ya."
     The young man Tanner had spoken with wore a single earring in his left

earlobe. Glancing around at the other young men revealed him to be the only

"ringed" specimen in the room.
     At 5:58 am, the men who were standing around like statues or seated like

statues suddenly came to life and the eight men went to pull their time cards

and were clocked in by 6 am. Three men wondered over to one young man who

assigned them to tasks that were mysterious to Tanner and the rest went to

the machinery to relieve others. There wasn't much talking at the relief and

Tanner thought that the Navy would never have condoned such sloppiness. But,

"what the fuck", Tanner thought; this definitely wasn't the Navy!
     Shortly after 6 am, another man wondered over from within the maze of

equipment and asked Tanner "is this where new hires go?"
     "I hope so!"
     At around 6:15 am, when Tanner was wondering if he had screwed up again

and gone to the wrong place (he knew he was already fired), a man in his

thirties wondered over.
     "I suppose you're Tanner and Lee Martin?"
     "I'm Bill Tanner."
     "I'm Bob LeMartin."
     "Well, Bill, you're a temporary and Bob you're here as a full time

employee. Bill, any benefits you get will have to come from the temporary

agency. Bob, you're eligible for medical and some dental benefits in four

months. Both of you are eligible for death benefits...although none has died

here and we've gone 109 days without any accidents."
     The man handed them both some forms and pens.
     "I am Larry Stinson the strawboss. You'll meet the foreman when you turn

your time cards in today. If you see him any other time, hopefully it'll just

be to see him checking out things or wondering around. OK? He's a nice enough

guy but remember he's pimping for management!"
     "
     This took Tanner by surprise but he later learned that the foreman had

worked for the strawboss several years before and the change in status had

not gone smoothly. Still, the two men got along well enough.
     "Just fill out these forms and I'll be over around 6:30 or so."
     The forms seemed to ask for much of the same information although they

had a definite slant on safety and previous
training. Tanner was done before 6:30 but the strawboss didn't return until

almost 7 am. That was fine since the other "new hire" seemed to have trouble

filling out the forms.
     "You two have any questions?"
     Both "new hires" nodded no.
     "Good! Put these ear plugs in, you can get extras from the supply

closet. Tanner, you're working pellets. Martin, you're
working extrusion."
 Tanner remembered that his job was supposed to be working with

forklifts; he thought it would be best to wait and see if he was offered the

job.
     While they had waited for the strawboss, Tanner had been watching his

fellow employees go by. Several young men had
earrings, there was one black woman whose shirt was far too small; the shirt

had ample gaps between the buttons which showed her bra and her ample

cleavage; Tanner hoped to see her body better and unfortunately, for her, he

would later.
 The room they were in was huge with enigmatic machines filling it. To

his left, was some kind of enclosed room that hung just below the ceiling. It

reminded him of the control room in main engineering of his last ship. There

were young men pulling sheets of plastic off the ends of the machines facing

his side of the room; other young men wondered around tending the machines

and several people were driving fork lifts around or just walking with that

"I know what I'm doing and where I'm going look."
 A man with a nametag of "Bob" nodded at Tanner and motioned him to

follow. They went down a "road" painted on the concrete floor and to the back

of one of the machines. Yelling at Tanner to be heard over the din of the

machines, "Bob" said:
 "We have to keep enough pellets in this box so the hopper on the

extruder won't run out. Just shovel the pellets from this box and let me know

when it's about to run out. As long as the box is full, sweep up around here

or at least look busy."
 With that, Tanner's introduction to his new work environment was

completed. By 7 15 am, Tanner felt like he had been there forever and the

though of working this job for years was a depressing one. He could feel

waves of giddy, mind numbing, boredom starting to flow through him. It didn't

help that he was also getting tired. Tanner was sure he had slipped into a

time warp where, for his punishment, the seconds shown on his wrist watch had

been lengthened out to years!
 Around 8 am, he saw people begin filtering out through the machines

and out a back door. There were a number of women mixed with them and they

were wearing hair nets. Some of the young men from Tanner's shop were among

them including "Bob" and the straw boss. Trying not to be too obvious, Tanner

walked past the door, picked up a dust pan and returned to his box of plastic

pellets. There was a large group of people clustered around a roach coach and

Tanner's coworkers were obviously eating as fast as they could and gulping

drinks. They weren't outside more than five minutes.
 Around 9 am, "Bob" yelled at Tanner that his morning break was due

and to be back by 9 20 am. Tanner then stuck his foot in his mouth.
 "Is that roach coach still out there?"
 "What!"
 "I had to get a dust pan and noticed a roach coach out back."
 "That's already gone. Our breaks come too late for us to use it."
 "I though I saw some guys from here go out there."
 "You just saw the folks from the other side of the building go out

there on their breaks. None of use are supposed to be out there."
 "OK. I'll be back by 9 20 am."
 "Interesting", Tanner thought, "'Bob' must have a twin or be working

double shift in two offices. I damn sure saw him sneak out there."
 The break was spent taking a piss, drinking a lot of water and

getting directed to the break room. He had all of three minutes to sit down

before it was time to return. It was the flip side of the time warp; time had

sped up in the break room. If Tanner had been a bit more introspective, he

would have realized that boredom, despair and a feeling of having screwed

himself was working on him. But he wasn't.
 Twice, Tanner had to hunt down "Bob" when he needed extra pellets.

"Bob" wasn't thrilled at being summoned.
 When Tanner was told to go to lunch, it seemed like he had spent days

bending over his shovel. He took a quick look at the machine he had been

feeding while on his way to feeding himself.
     A metal hose led from the box he had been filling to a large tank on the

back of the machine; this box was reached by climbing up a ladder to a

platform. This box led to the melting tube which melted the pellets and

extruded them between two rollers. The rollers had patterns on their surfaces

and could be set at different separations which allowed different thicknesses

of plastic to be extruded. Knifes were set to score the plastic so that it

could be broken down the middle or so that the jagged edges could be trimmed

off. At the far end was the "puller" who pulled the plastic sheets off and

stacked them. His job was fast, physical and less boring than shoveling

plastic as Tanner was to find out; when you have to worry about screwing up a

process you tend to be less bored. The machine was large, noisy, incredibly

smelly and fascinated Tanner. There was one other person, an operator, who

changed the rollers, set the temperatures and knives and ran the machine.
 The operator's work was not very physical; on subsequent days Tanner

was to see the operator reading a plastic industry magazine while Tanner was

humping the load to get "his" plastic sheets properly processed.
 Tanner strolled back to "his" pellet box just before his allotted 20

minute lunch break was over; there was someone else working "his" box. Tanner

looked around for another shovel but saw none. Finally, he went looking for

"Bob".
 "Didn't you know? You're supposed to be working the front end for the

rest of the day."
 "What am I supposed to do?"
 "Just go tell the guy up front that you're going to be helping him."
 Tanner wondered up front and began watching the "puller" who was

humping.
 "I'm here to help you."
 "Well, pull the trim off the edges, pop them down the middle and

stack 'um here. Keep track of how many you pull."
 The first board Tanner tried to bob in half bent but didn't break and

then slipped out of his hands. His "teacher" just looked disgusted and

handled three boards before Tanner got his first trimmed. Tanner's hands were

beginning to turn raw and red when the strawboss handed him a pair of heavy

work gloves. The excess plastic trimmed off the edges and some boards Tanner

bend up went onto a stack on one side of the machine. Tanner was just too

busy to care about who had to dispose of the excess.
 "Wear this damn things or the plastic can cut you good."
 By the end of the day, Tanner was looking back on the pellet loading

as light work. He had drank frequently from the water fountain, his inner

thighs were raw from rubbing against his blue jeans and he was more than

ready to go home. His co-worker had another tidbit of joy to offer:
 "You'd better speed up tomorrow. I'm only going to help you tomorrow

and the next day. Next week you're on yur own."
 "Mr. Helpful" left at five minutes before 6 pm. Tanner waited for his

relief to show up at 6 pm and tried to give him a passdown of how many sheets

they had pulled. The "relief" ignored Tanner, eyeballed the stack and went to

read a newspaper that was tossed against the machine. The machine itself was

shutdown awaiting the new operator.
 Tanner clocked out and left feeling invisible.

 No one ever told Tanner why he was shitcanned from the pellet boxes

to the pulling end of the extruders; he figured it was more "fuck with the

temporaries". Later, he would learn that this was true.

 When Tanner hobbled into the hotel, the other residents were either

out or in their rooms and he went to his untroubled by any companionship. He

threw his work cloths into a corner, drew a tub of hot water and tried not to

scream when the hot water hit his raw thighs. The pain subsided and after a

while, Tanner felt up to eating a couple of sandwiches. He laid out a

different set of work clothing for the next day and went to sleep early.
 The second day went quicker and the work had become easier. The

talcum powder on his thighs really helped. It was in the afternoon that he

was introduced to the shredder.
 "Waste not, want not" is a good idea.
 If it is done right.
 It didn't take Leonard Tanner, QM1, USNformerly, once highly

concerned with safety aboard ship, long to see that it wasn't being done

right.
 The shredder had a box sticking up about a foot above the work floor

with a thick rubber mat over the opening. The mat was clamped back, away from

the opening, so as to provide no obstruction between the opening and the

blades inside. The clamps looked rusted shut.
 The raw material for the plastic extrusion process was the pellets

that Tanner wished he was still shoveling. He know learned that the waste

plastic and defective boards were recycled thru the shredder and were blown

into the bin on the back of the machine. Sounded good.
 "Don't stand there, start shoving that shit down here!"
 Tanner began shoving the strips of plastic down the hole into the

shredder as fast as he could.
 "Hey! Not so fast! If you put too much down, the shredder will jam up

when the plastic melts on the blades!"
 "OK, how can I tell if the fucking thing is overheating."
 "You'll learn how."
 "Great advise", Tanner thought, "just fucking great advise!"
 The rest of the second day went fairly quickly with Tanner able to

hold his own most of the time. What made the shredder interesting was that

sometimes the blades bit into a board wrong and the board could be whipped

around. Sometimes, boards were shoved backwards out of the slot.
 The third day was uneventful albeit very boring. Tanner was looking

forward to his days off. He was told once to "take it easy with the shredder,

the grind is coming back in big clumps and still damn hot."
 That night, he waved at some of his neighbors when he got home and

tossed his third set of civilian work clothing into a heap in the closet. The

next day's schedule had "laundry" as it's top concern.

//got to work up the social life he is having during his 3 days off. it could

be as bad as mine when in barracks or it could be as decent as when i was in

college, the "Q" or OCS.//

 The pattern of three 12-hour days and three days off was fine on the

days off but got old very quickly by the third working day. //I should move

this sentence to a later portion of the story.//

 The first of his three day work stretch seemed to go OK. Since he had

bothered coming back, his co-workers accepted him as a regular. More to the

point, they accepted him as a familiar face. Tanner and "his operator" spent

the first two hours making single width boards. All Tanner had to do was

remove the excess plastic from the edges and keep track of how many boards he

had pulled. These were destined to be dashboards on somebodies's pickup

trucks (none cared whose brand) and they knew that the buyer would be

counting. Tanner made sure to put a few extra in.
 The accident occurred about 8 45 am.
 The black woman, DeVora, who was the only woman in that part of the

shop, had been shoving plastic strips and boards into the shredder. Tanner

had been glancing at her when she bent over and truly enjoyed the sight of

her cleavage through the gaps in her shirt. He had been thinking of talking

with DeVora that evening since their breaks never overlapped; he didn't get

the chance. Actually, he was hoping to see more of her breasts and the rest

of her; he would and would regret the looking for years to come.
 Tanner heard the woman scream, saw her jerk and pat desperately at

her shirt. There was a massive bruise showing on her chest and blood running

down.
 Tanner ran to get the first aid kit while the assistant foreman

seated DeVora on a crate. The EMTs arrived several minutes later, opened her

shirt and removed her bra to evaluate the damage. Tanner enjoyed the sight of

her large nipples and her breasts were even more attractive that he had

thought. It was the grapefruit sized bruise centered on her sternum that

turned his stomach and haunted him for years.
 The ambulance hauled the DeVora off; Tanner never saw her again but

later heard that she was unable to work and was on workman's comp for most of

a year. She did later thank him for the sympathy card although it was

doubtful if she could have recognized Tanner on the street. Tanner would

remember what she looked like for decades to come.

 Towards the end of his first month at Larson Plastics, Tanner and

several of "the boys" got together at a little strip bar in downtown

Rockford. None could remember the place's name and they are referred to it by

"Girls! Girls! Girls!"; this was what the dive's marquee read.
 Tanner noticed early that Dave Sillings never seemed to look at the

"dancers"; he spent his time talking or just looking preoccupied.
 "Lennie, what were you doing before you started working here? I heard

you were a 'squid'."
 "I was a quartermaster first on the USS Blue Ridge. It was good duty

but I got tired of being at sea."
 "So why did you get out?"
 "I got tired of being at sea. I got tired of, damn, I got tired of

everything, I guess. Sometimes, I have trouble remembering why I got out."
 "I remember why I got out. Seemed that life was getting too

complicated, that I was juggling too many things at once. Doesn't look so bad

now that I look back." Sillings looked pensive.
 The next several minutes were quiet with Tanner enjoying the sight of

the nude "dancers" and watching some of his co-workers.
 "Did you see that! Manny looks like a puppy dog panting at a child

playmate the way he's staring at this 'dancer'!"
 "The other guys are loving it?"
 "Yeah."
 "Manny tries too hard to be 'one of the boys'."
 "You're saying he's not?" Tanner was slightly startled.
 "Nope, he's not, he'd rather be with one of the 'boys' then to be one

of the boys. If you get what I mean," Sillings continued.
 "In other words," Tanner mused, "he looks like he's having a 'gay old

time' in the old fashioned sense of the word when he'd rather have it in the

current sense of the word?"
 "Yes, I believe he would."
 "Well, I hope he doesn't catch anything."
 "Are you saying you don't care? You were a senior petty officer!"
 "Was is right. Not that I really gave a damn when I was on board

ship. However, I'm a silly-villain now and still don't give a shit who fucks

who."
 "Among consenting adults," Sillings murmured.
 "True."
 After a few minutes and another pitcher of beer between the two,

Tanner continued with their conversation.
 "Mind if I ask you a question?"
 "Don't mind; do you mind if I don't tell the truth?"
 "Nah. Did you getting out of the Navy have anything to do with you

being so sure about Manny?"
 "Could be. Probably. Might be." Sillings took a chug of beer and got

up to head for the men's head. He leaned over to speak directly into Tanner's

ear. "Everything as you've guessed. But I didn't say that."
 "Didn't hear it," was Tanner's reply.
 After Sillings returned from the head, Tanner continued with their

conversation.
 "My chief once told me that during the 'Nam war, there were division

and department lounges where guys were smoking pot. They'd smuggled it aboard

in they laundry or shit they'd bought ashore or some such. He said that it

was well known but somehow none talked to the chiefs or the officers and no

one had the balls to rat on the smokers. There were true stories going around

of blanket parties and squealers 'falling overboard' on dark, dark, nights."
 "On my ship, the USS America, there's a two story vertical ladder you

have to climb to git out of the boiler rooms. Seems one sailor 'lost his

grip' and fell backwards from the top of the ladder. No one noticed him and

he died of his injuries. Seems that there was a partial bootprint on his

shirt like someone had pushed him off when he was at the top of the ladder."
 "Wasn't there an investigation?"
 "Not really. N.I.S. (Naval Investigative Service) worried about him

being a faggot and evidence of a murder got hushed up."
 "Was he gay?" Although Tanner was straight, the thought of murder

offended him. It had taken Tanner years to get over his own fear of

homosexuality and he instinctively felt that everyone should share his

enlightenment.
 "He was. He was a friend of mine although no one else knew it and we

didn't have any official contact on ship. I was a Legalman second class and

worked for the XO; he was a Boiler Tech. I still miss him. It was after his

murder that I got out. Didn't want to stay on a ship that would allow this

murder to be  covered up."
 "Every heard of a congress critter named Barney something or another?

Write him and he could start an investigation."
 "I know who you mean, Barney Frank and I think I'll give him an

anonymous letter."
 "Type it at the library. Use gloves when handling the envelope and

your letter. Use a stamped envelope and tap water not spit to close it. Buy a

handful of stamped envelopes so that you won't touch the envelope; wearing

gloves at the Post Office would get noticed. Use a fresh box of typing paper.

Be paranoid."
 "Sure."
 "Paranoid." Tanner cut his eyes to his left to let Sillings know that

they had company arriving. "Paranoid."
 "Paranoid 'bout what?" It was their friend from Larson; the one with

the bloodshot eyes who liked "smoking mother nature" and who was nicknamed

"red eyes".
 "We were talking about being on ship when we were in the Navy. About

places the dope smokers used to go to enjoy a joint." Tanner knew this stoned

kid wouldn't pick up on the double meaning; Sillings obviously did.
 "Well," Sillings began, "when people think of ships they think of

movies of subs or destroyers. Ships where racks are crammed in among the

machinery or is open bay barracks; ships were there was no privacy and

apparently no places unoccupied at night. On a carrier, there were a lot of

offices or workshops that were unoccupied at night. Equipment lockers, paint

lockers, storage areas and sometimes large sections of decks where only the

fire and security watches went at night. In fact, up in the bow just under

the flight deck, were large structural supports for bracing the nose of the

flightdeck. People sometimes went in there 'cause the interiors were hidden

from the passageways. There were half decks accessible from locked doors.

Doors locked with spring locks."
 "I used to get into my office quicker using my ID card than using the

key."
 "Huh."
 "Larry popped the spring lock with his Identification Card", Sillings

murmured to "red eyes".
 "I knew of storage spaces on the Blue Ridge that were damn hard to

get to and required you to go through berthing spaces and down access

ladders. There were a lot of places you could get into mischief but there

were also people walking around most of the time. Kind made a contest out of

finding a hiding place or finding when a public place was private. I knew

guys who made a game of it."
 "Sounds like fun". "Red eyes" drank some of their beer and wondered

off in the general direction of head.
 "Mind if I ask you a personal question?"
 "Sure," Sillings replied, "but ask it anyway."
 "What's it like to suck cock?"
 "What's it like to eat pussy?"
 "Not much taste if'fn it's clean, tastes damn awful if she's got

mucous down there. My mouth gets tired after a while. It's mostly the thrill

of making her happy and the thought of 'I'm really doing this'" Kind hard to

explain; you should try it."
 "Don't think I will. Well, sucking cock is a lot like what you just

said except cum can taste awful. I like sucking on a lemon before sucking on

a cock; just changes the taste a little. You should try it."
 "Don't think I will."
 With that, both men cracked up and that killed the conversation. An

hour or so later, the party broke up and they went their separate ways for

their three day weekend.
 Their first day back to work, Sillings seemed to be avoiding Tanner.

This was a bit difficult to do since they worked adjoining machines and were

relieved for breaks at the same time. The morning break, Tanner went to the

break room as usual but Sillings didn't. Tanner ate lunch quickly then looked

around for Sillings who he found outside at a picnic table usually frequented

by people from a different division.
 "Hi, you pissed at me?"
 "No," Sillings replied, "just a little embarrassed to be around you."
 "Why? I like you and don't mind your preferences."
 "Well, I like you too and don't want you to think," he paused, "that

there is anything more to it. You're not my type."
 "Fine. I don't want anything that would cause me problems. This is

the mid west, remember?"
 "Good. Just friends?"
 "Sounds good to me," Tanner replied.
 They ate their lunches in the mild sunlight in the emptiness of the

picnic area. It was a cool day but after sweating all morning inside, the air

felt good.
 "What was it like on ship?"
 "We had to be damn careful about who we approached. Then, too there

was having enough time for everything. For instance, a blowjob was quickest

and could be done in a berthing area. You could zip up quick if anyone came

in. Hand jobs were next although it could be hard to hide the hand cream and

it does smell. Cuddling and intercourse was the hardest 'cause a nude man

really can't hide what he's been doing."
 "I heard of one guy on the Blue Ridge who got tired of living with a

hundred other men. So, he swiped a couple of mattresses from an empty

berthing area and put them in a void. Added a table lamp and got a chair from

somewhere. Had paperbacks from the ship's library and the Chaplain's office.

We didn't find out about him until the ship was in drydock for a minor

availability (i.e. overhaul period) and somebody discovered his hidey hole.

They found a couple of envelopes and called him up at home. He was a civilian

by then. They were thinking about charging him with theft but my division

officer told me that the Captain didn't want to look bad in front of the type

commander. They just returned everything to where they though it belonged and

let the matter die!"
 "We had some void crawlers on the America."

 

//footnote #1 on the WP version: I worked at Gage Industries in Lake Oswego,

Oregon, the spring of 1989. The events happening to Tanner happened to me

with one exception.//

//footnote #2 on the WP version: I didn't see the woman who never returned;

she was on workman's comp for four months the last I heard.//

# posted by Mike @ 3:08 PM

Links

• Google News
• Edit-Me
• Edit-Me

archives

• 01/01/1970 - 02/01/1970
• 06/01/2001 - 07/01/2001
• 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
• 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
• 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
• 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
• 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
• 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
• 05/01/2012 - 06/01/2012
• 06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012
• 09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
• 09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013
• 10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013
• 12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
• 02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
• 05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
• 05/01/2016 - 06/01/2016
• 08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016
• 09/01/2017 - 10/01/2017
• 01/01/2018 - 02/01/2018
• 04/01/2018 - 05/01/2018
• 10/01/2018 - 11/01/2018
• 11/01/2018 - 12/01/2018
• 12/01/2018 - 01/01/2019
• 01/01/2019 - 02/01/2019
• 02/01/2019 - 03/01/2019
• 03/01/2019 - 04/01/2019
• 04/01/2019 - 05/01/2019
• 07/01/2019 - 08/01/2019
• 08/01/2019 - 09/01/2019
• 10/01/2019 - 11/01/2019
• 11/01/2019 - 12/01/2019
• 10/01/2020 - 11/01/2020
• 08/01/2021 - 09/01/2021
• 10/01/2021 - 11/01/2021
• 01/01/2022 - 02/01/2022
• 03/01/2022 - 04/01/2022
• 04/01/2022 - 05/01/2022
• 10/01/2022 - 11/01/2022
• 07/01/2023 - 08/01/2023