Monday, October 14, 2013
My projected 2013 NaNoWri.org novel...
In late 1982, I wrote a somewhat violent short story about an Assassin. I have thought of writing a novel set in this universe. One character would be a high level Monk who is violating the be ascetic credo of Monks by getting married but otherwise fits the AD&D description of a Monk. I am thinking of putting him on a quest but haven't gotten beyond that.
I am not planning on going with the planned future as described at the end of this story.
PREFACE NOTE: I started writing this story late one night in November or December 1972. Kathie was at O.C.S. and I was living alone in base housing on Guam. I had gone to a somewhat forgettable movie (i.e. I don't recall anything about it) and then sat down to write this story. At the time, Kathie and I were involved with several other Marine, Navy and Air Force personnel in playing Dungeons and Dragons. The main character of this story was "ginned up" by rolling the dice and then I played him as if he were a character. The spell throwing and battle scenes were based on the D & D rules and were played out as if I were a Dungeon Master. I had fun with this story even though I had to force myself to finish it; I finished at about 2 15 am (I had started at 10 PM or so). I knew that if I had put the story down I would never finish it! I later wrote a number of stories and poems and finished them; of course, I then had the prod of finishing them for a class. Unfortunately, this being 28 May 1992, I am no longer under such a "prod" and haven't looked at my "Ronald Regan story" in so long that it must have been last calendar year that I made the pretense of working on it...
Eggeyes, also known as "Deathblood, Defender of the Faith", carefully put on his black plate armour and metal helm. He had to meet with his master, the Grandfather of Assassins. That creature was known to a few of his faithful as "Gramps" (he happened in fact to be Eggeye's great-grandfather). He was known to his enemies by far more sinister names.
Eggeyes looked into his mirror and beheld his bulging eyes set in a face scarred like an old piece of firepit rock. There was little of kindness in his face and much controlled intelligence. He sniffed himself with his better than human sense of smell and decided he could pass among the true humans and half-elves that made u the town's population.
He put on the girdle with it's bastard sword and poisoned dagger. The crossbow was slung across his back. He carried no backpack with him. His vial of unholy water was in a pouch and the poisoned quarrels were in his quiver. There were five of them.
Eggeyes, looking like a prosperous fighter, carefully left is rooms at the Bloody Miscarriage. He set the alarms and traps well. He heard his watchbeast awaken and Egeyes hoped that some poor damned thief would enter. The thief would leave his soul to the watchbeast and Eggeyes would have a little extra deserved profit.
The street was safe. A guard approached Eggeyes and bid hima good evening. Eggeyes answered politely and waited until the man had turned to go before stabbing the guard with a poisoned blade. The guard had time to turn toward Eggeyes and almost got his blade out.
"You BASTARD...". The victim fell to his knees.
"I'm truly upset!" Eggeyes exclaimed in amazement. "The alchemist who sold me the poison told me it was instant acting and very painful. The Better Business Bureau will hear of this. Actually", he continued in a musing tone of voice, "I'll just have a word with the alchemist about this."
The prospect delighted Eggeyes!
"You're an assassin! You must be a..."
At this Eggeyes ripped the man's throat out with one hand. There was one thing no one would say to hime and that no one would know. Only the Grandfather of assassins knew his secret nad Gramps wouldn't give the Grandduke or anyone outside of the Assassin Guild the time of year let alone Eggeye's secret.
The body yielded two flasks of oil and a flask of holy water. There was the armour to be removed and sold. The man's short sword and throwing axe were simply added to Eggeye'sgirdle. There was five goldpieces which Eggeyes cheerfully added to his purse. He didin't fear a deadman's curse upon the decreased guards property. Eggeye's Deity had guaranteed him protection from such curses.
The night was cool and the smell of dung in the open sewers began to predominate over the smell of charcoal fires as the fires were doused after the evening meal. Eggeyes noticed it not at all.
The walk to the Assassin's Guildhouse was uneventful. Egeyes gave the dead guard's chainmail to the Housemouse. The Housemouse was a drab, retired, thief who gave good prices for stolen goods. Then, Eggeyes went to the Guild's alchemist.
Eggeyes put the vial of "bad" poison on a table.
"It doesn't work fast! A target almost attacked me before I ripped his throat out. And he didn't seem to be in much pain."
The wide assortment of hidden and subtle traps and poisons in the room was upsetting Eggeyes. He held out his hands toward the alchemist in a subconscious attempt to ward off any attackfromthat worthy. The alchemist feared what spells could be brought into existence from those hands, however.
"The poison might have had some old eye of unborn elve in it. Here, try this fresh batch."
"Thank you, good master, I shall try it!" With that Eggeyes left the alchemist who was secretly very relieved to see Eggeyes leave. Then, Eggeyes slowly made his way to the Grandfather of Assassins' quarter.
"Well, don't stand there boy, say 'hello'".
"Good evening, sire. I see you've enjoyed another night with 'Their Graces'?".
"Damned fooliness, if you ask me. I have to go to the Better Business Bureau meeting or people will get the wrong idea of our guild. Some of those fools, those merchants, wanted to examine our books with an eye to seeing if we pay our taxes!"
"Do you wish me to spy out the tax records that we may know who knows how much we should be paying? I'd like that!"
Eggeyes meant that he would like interrogating the BB clerks in the dungeon. Somehow, torturing humans wasn't business but was enjoyment.
"We have a problem. There are a group of giants who are plundering all caravans leaving this town. The Guard was about to roast the entire Thieves Guild over slow fires when I was able to convince the Guard Captainthat no Master Thief would cut off his source of income. Someone else is plundering the caravans. The Master Thief is the only one licenced to plunder. And that is on a quota system. We are the only technical advisors allowed to assist the thieves. Someone is using our techniques in the caravan raids. We must stop this raiding to save our good bad reputations. we have a reputation of honest 'evil' to uphold and you will protect our reputation!"
"Who is cutting in our turf?"
Eggeyes words were a bit slurred as his fangs were beginning to slid down into place. He no longer looked quite so human; he was beginning to resemble his father and great-grandfather's brother.
"The leather merchant is a spy for giants. He must be killed to stop the attacks! Others of the brotherhood will guide chaotic fighters to find and wipe out the raiders. Go to the Inn of the Whipping Post and you will find the leather merchant's grudge there. Here, take this:" The Grandfather of Assassins held out a small vial. "It will make her love you for the night!"
As Eggeyes, Priest to the Worship- Of- He- Whose- Name- Was- Not- Spoken and Assassin left, his great-grandfather mused to himself. The "love vial" contained just the opposite and theGRandfather of Assassins might this night be rid of his most serious future rival.
The Inn of the Whipping Post was a true dive. Eggeyes had to step smartly to avoid the rotting corpse of a customer who had sought to leave without paying. He had paid by giving his living intestines to an entrail reader and his soul to a creature from Middle Hell (a fun place to visit occasionally Eggeyes thought).
The main room of the Inn smelt of old shit, strange drugs, sweat, seman and fear. Woven through that was the smell of the food and drink served there. It was a hideous smell in thesmokeyair that made Eggeyes think we'd gone back to his childhood home again. He ducked his head beneath the low slung rafters and sought out the barman.
The barman was an incredibly hairy man who wore a brand identifying him as a werebear. The human form of the werebear was hugh, stooped over and very old.
"Where, bear, do I find the leather merchang's hag."
He was ignored.
"GIve me a tankard of mead." Eggeyes held out a gold piece.
"The orcbitch in the corner." The barman smilled for he had gotten a gold piece for a glass of mead that was worth onlya silver piece. Rather, would be if the mead had been bought rather than stollen from the brewers.
The orcbitch was incredibly hideous. Eggeyes thought she looked like one of his old girlfriends or perhaps his sisters and went to meet her.
"Hi ya, beautiful."
"Fuck dog breath or I'll rip your balls off!"
She suddenly sniffed with a light of hope apearing in her eyes.
"Can it be?", she murmurred in Orciash.
"Sure is beautiful and watch the threats or I'll rip your tits off and feed them to my dog!" Eggeyes whispered his endearment to avoid any humans hearing him speaking Orcish.
The orcbitch gazed in lust at Eggeyes. He had extablished himself as a true lowlife. That is to say, established himself as the most desirable lust object for a lustful orcbitch, in the room.
They drank their drinks and Eggeyes made his way to the barman to order two more drinks. THe barman bitchingly took one gold piece for two tankards and Eggeyes successfully relieved the barman of a plantium piece the barman had kept in an inner pocket.
The orcbitch and Eggeyes were in a state of advanced lust when they left. Eggeyes poured the "love portion" into a drink the sleepy barhog was taking to a barbarian. As they left, the barbarian fell into hate with the barhog and most of the rest of the patrons. The barman wondered where his plantium piece went. Suddenly, he went werebear knowing where to bear down to recover his treasure. The barbarian began breaking bottles over hte heads of customers and the werebear began attacking anything that moved. A truly drunken mage used a fireball spell and then the fun truly began...
The Guard had a busy night and the Palace truth finders used many thumbscrews and hot nails on the survivors of the brawl to try finding out the cause of the brawl. The Grandduke didn't take wellt obrawls that ended up firng half a section of his town. But, Eggeyes and his love were oblivious to the fire behind them and they went to the orcbitch's quarters.
Eggeyes and his lustful orcbitch made lust in typical orc fashion. If they had been human or elven, then mere humans could stomack their actions. Violent rending reader(1), I, yournarriatior, am but a retired Grandfather of the Grandfather of Assassins. To tell you of the orc and helforc's "lovemaking" would be a vomet inducing event!
On second thought, I will write down the chronicle and have it preserved until the next age of humans. It is fit to published in a magazine which will be called "Five Houses(2)" or words to that effect.
But back to my story...
After leaving his lustmate sleeping, Eggeyes had to make his way through the leather merchant's houe. He knew the general outline of the house from the orcbitch. Her quarters were in the basement.
He would have to go from the orcbitch's quarters to the pantry. From there, he would go up a set of stairs to the enterance hall. Thence, via a hallway, to the master's study where the leather merchant purportedly was. There was a dogleg in the hallway.
As he went up the stairs in the pantry, he noticed a putrid odor and a very strong updraft. Eggeyes could see no openings from which the updraft could be coming. He stopped moving and very carefully loostened his poison coated, great bastard sword in it's scabbard. He then oh-so-carefully cocked his crossbow and lashed
(1) This is a takeoff of Dr. Isaac Asimov's custom of referring to his readers as "gentle readers" when speaking as the author to the readers from within his essays and stories.
(2) "Five Houses" is reference to "Penthouse".
down the release mechanism. He fitted it with a poisoned quarrel. He went the rest of the way up the stairs.
At the open door, Eggeyes carefully did a recon down the small hallway (almost a crawlspace) that extended to the left of the door and could see or hear nothing either in that little hallway or from the room beyond the closed door; Eggeyes had excellent hearing and his vision extended beyond that of humans. He could smell nothing but the putrid odour from the stairwell. The assassin part of his soul cursed the sloopy but oh-so-orcish houecleaning. THe cleric part of him prayed for his life.
Finally, he entered the parlor. A window at one end was open and the air was hot and clear near the window. He could see no reason for the breeze in the stairwell and assumed it to be some sort of magic. If he had known what type, he might have dove out through the window. But, more likely, he would have pressed on regardless...
The room had rotting wood along the baseboards and he thought that the wall hangins were too faded. There was a desk under the window and an armoire(3) near it. A hissing sound could be heard coming from a large chest against the far wall. Eggeyes went over to the chest and investigated it. There was a distince hissing coming from the chest. Carefully, Eggeyes looked it over for traps. He found none.
Slowly, he raised the unlocked lid just a crack. The hissing was very loud now. He took out his dagger and slid itbetwinx the lid and the box. He felt the blade shudder as something struck twice at it and then bit it. With a happy, happy, smile, Eggeyes waited until the creature inside quit moving. Moving back to full arm's length from the chest, he slowly raised the lid. The dagger was the only thing touching the chest and lifting the lid was tricky work even for a halforc.
Inside the chest was a dead snake and several gold pieces and platinum pieces. This was a treasure beyond belief! Inside was the lodge pin of one of the area's tribes of giants. It identified the bearer as an ally of that tribe and was a safepass. Eggeyes' mind spun with thoughts of what he could do with such a thing as he carefully picked up the pin with an unpoisoned quarrel. He could tell that the pin was poisoned and didn't want to die just yet...
(3) An amoire is a closed chest or cabinet.
From the armoire, he found nothing of value or of threat. He carefully went to the closed door
and removed his helmet. He listened so hard that he thought his heart was a kettle drum and he thought of cursing it. But, he remembered the disconcerting habit his god had of answering such curses and refrained. If only his god would answer his prayers so readily...
He went to the unopened door and gently open it. Then, he remembered to put his helm back upon his head. But, the pause to redon his helmet was his undoing. Out in the hall were two Troglodytes and they had seen him!
With hisses of hate they charged him. Eggeyes quickly slammed the door in their faces. After bolting the door, he noticed that one of the trogs had managed to hit him with a thrown axe. The sight of his own blood filled Eggeyes with the lust for revenge.
He ran silently for the stairway enterance to the parlor. He carefully opened it a crack and the door rang to the assualt of the trog's stone bvattle axe. The trog backed off to allowEggeyes out of the parlor. Eggeyes swung hastily and missed; thetrog swung and was equally inept. Then, again they attacked and both missed. The other trog was roaring with laughter and waited to see how the comedy would progress.
Eggeyes set imself nad with total concentration swung his bastard sword. He cut the trog just below it's rib cage on the right side and the large bastard killer of men and monsters sword sheared through the trog's bodyand exited through it's left shoulder socket. The body oozed to the floor. As it fell, the trog released it's most potent weapon. It released a strnch that would make a skunk gage and pray for deliverance. Eggeys abruptly jackknifed over in a spasm of vomiting. He would never have believed that a halforc could be so affected; perhps his god had intervened? The stone axe thrown by the surviving trog passed harmlessly over Eggeye's head nad the trog disappeared down the hall.
Having emptied his stomack, Eggeyes' wiped off ihs mouth nad crept up the passage. In a manner that would have made his mentors come with joy, Eggeyes moved silently thrugh the shadows and crept up upon his victum. Perhaps it had been grief that had kept the trog from noticing eggeys; perhaps, Eggeyes was simply very good at his chosen vocation...
The orcbitch smilled as she watch the action in her crystal ball.
The body had a few gold pieces and some silver pieces onit. Eggeyes figured his spoils at about four gold pieces. He thought of the 3600 gold pieces that he had been promised for this night's work and decided that he would be asking for a bonus. There had been too much shit going down for the mood he was in.
Without manking any further attemtps at concealment, Eggeyes went to the enterance of the leather merchant's study and set foot inside. He had his slightly magical shield up at the ready.
The room had a large collection of books and at a lecturn sat a darkly dressed man. THe leather merchant was dressed in the finest of brown silks. he wore no armour and had only a dagger on. Ther leather merchant picked up a staff and moving away from the lecturn, leanded upon the staff.
"I have been waiting for you to come here." He pointed toward a mirror that showed the image of the orcbitch. Most of the scratchs had stopped bleeding but scratchs were normal toorcish love (or lust play to be exact). Eggeyes felt his own scratches and his fourteen inches of warty lustfulliness began strining against his suit of plate armour. He really didn't pay attention to the walls of books in theroom or the rich decorations on what parts of the walls that were visible. He momentarily turned his attention to the useless thoughts of his lust object and the leather merchant struck in that instant.
From his hands spouted twin jets of fire that seared Eggeyes and might have blinded himbut for theinstinctive raising of his shield. On one side, the flames ignited a stack of books. With a scream of pain, the merchant turned his attention to putting out the fire with a water dispatching spell. He would pay dearly for the use of the water elemental that produced the water but the books were worth saving.
Eggeyes didn't react but merely tried to recover and watched the perchant put out the fire. Thus, his opportunity was lost.
The leather merchant turned and struck Eggeyes with his staff and Eggeyes staggered backwards.
Recovering, Eggeyes tried to ignore the smel of burnt paper and the smoke in his eyes. He brought up his crossbow and whiped off the restraining lash. His shot was instantly lethal. The leather merchant fell in a heap. Breathing hard, Eggeyes cautiously searched the body of the leather merchant. he removed a gem worth at least a thousand gold pieces.
The Guard arrived to check out the fire. Then, to Eggeyes's surprise, the orcbitch came running upstairs. She told the guard officer that her master had gotten drunk and set the room on fire. She told them of how she would give the leather merchant pure hell the next morning.
The sight of a crossbow quarrel protruding from the leather merchant made the Guard doubt that the leather merchant would be awakening again ever. But, he had his orders and the GuardCOmmander had been most specific about this house: Ignore all things that occurr at that house tonight!"
Eggeyes went to the orcbitch's room for the remainder of the night which made for a truly memorable night of sin,debachery and degradation. He left early the next morning to report in. There was a spring to his step and at least 3000 gold pieces worth of loot. He had spent the morning between dawn and leaving in stealing this wealth.
When he returned to the Guildhall, the Housemouse paid Eggeyes 3100 gold pieces for his loot. Then, Eggeyes went to see the Grandfather of Assassins.
His adventure thenight before had started with meeting with "Gramps" shortly after nightfall. THe final encounter with the Guard had occurred three hours before the sun arose. It was near noon now and Eggeyes wanted his lunch and then some sleep.
"Your report, assassin!" It was the Grandfather of Assassin and not "Gramps" who gave the order to speak.
Eggeyes reported all events fromthe time he had taken the job.
The Grandfather of Assassins intrupted once to say: "You didn't have to use the lust potion?"
"No, your unholiness. The orcbitch practically raped me so I just put the potion in a barbarian's drink. I trust it gave him much happiness."
Gramps smilled. "It gave a lot of people much happiness." Gramps was more than a little sadistic.
"Here is your just reward ("Gramps" put 4000 gold pieces in Eggeye's grasping hands.). Take a few days off. Then, I am going to have you take a combat team and hunt for the headquarters of the giants."
Gramps carefully didn't tell Eggeyes that the leather merchant's body had been removed from town in a wagon that morning by the true spy. Eggeyes was not told that the true spy was a high level cleric, a High Priestess capable of performing Resurrection, Regenerating and Restoration. He didn't know that the true spy would never heart Eggeys for she had found in him the ideal lust partner.
As the orcbitch and her dead servant, the leather merchant, went to the deep woods location of the orcbitch's god's temple, she lusted for Eggeyes. She decided that the leather merchant would have to be better trained. But, first, she would fulfill the promise she had made to the Guard Officer...
THe grat plans the orcbitch had for Eggeys would have horrified a man andmight have upset Eggeyes had he known.
More likely they would have delighted him.
THE SAGA OF EGGEYES, DEATHBLOOD DEFENDER OF THE FAITH, TO BE CONTINUED...
POSTSCRIPT:
I wrote this story in January 1983, shortly after Kathie had gone to Navy O.C.S. I started writing a sequal but didn't get too far as I was transferred in March 1983 and never got around to finishing the story. The sequal would have featured a half elve Paladin (a holy night sworn to defeat all evil) forced to work alongside Eggeyes (a creature of quite the opposite orientation). After saving each other live's a couple of times and they came to an understanding and parted amiable enemies as opposed to blood enemies. Unfortunately, the rough draft of that story seems to have disappeared during the past three or four moves.
There was also another D&D story I started about the same time which was the same story but told from the viewpoints of four different characters. I wrote it mainly for the fun of writing the common sceens as told from the four different viewpoints (i.e. a raid on a wagon train or a night in a tavern/inn). This story is lost (alas).
Eggeyes, also known as "Deathblood, Defender of the Faith", carefully put on his black plate armour and metal helm. He had to meet with his master, the Grandfather of Assassins. That creature was known to a few of his faithful as "Gramps" (he happened in fact to be Eggeye's great-grandfather). He was known to his enemies by far more sinister names.
Eggeyes looked into his mirror and beheld his bulging eyes set in a face scarred like an old piece of firepit rock. There was little of kindness in his face and much controlled intelligence. He sniffed himself with his better than human sense of smell and decided he could pass among the true humans and half-elves that made u the town's population.
He put on the girdle with it's bastard sword and poisoned dagger. The crossbow was slung across his back. He carried no backpack with him. His vial of unholy water was in a pouch and the poisoned quarrels were in his quiver. There were five of them.
Eggeyes, looking like a prosperous fighter, carefully left is rooms at the Bloody Miscarriage. He set the alarms and traps well. He heard his watchbeast awaken and Egeyes hoped that some poor damned thief would enter. The thief would leave his soul to the watchbeast and Eggeyes would have a little extra deserved profit.
The street was safe. A guard approached Eggeyes and bid hima good evening. Eggeyes answered politely and waited until the man had turned to go before stabbing the guard with a poisoned blade. The guard had time to turn toward Eggeyes and almost got his blade out.
"You BASTARD...". The victim fell to his knees.
"I'm truly upset!" Eggeyes exclaimed in amazement. "The alchemist who sold me the poison told me it was instant acting and very painful. The Better Business Bureau will hear of this. Actually", he continued in a musing tone of voice, "I'll just have a word with the alchemist about this."
The prospect delighted Eggeyes!
"You're an assassin! You must be a..."
At this Eggeyes ripped the man's throat out with one hand. There was one thing no one would say to hime and that no one would know. Only the Grandfather of assassins knew his secret nad Gramps wouldn't give the Grandduke or anyone outside of the Assassin Guild the time of year let alone Eggeye's secret.
The body yielded two flasks of oil and a flask of holy water. There was the armour to be removed and sold. The man's short sword and throwing axe were simply added to Eggeye'sgirdle. There was five goldpieces which Eggeyes cheerfully added to his purse. He didin't fear a deadman's curse upon the decreased guards property. Eggeye's Deity had guaranteed him protection from such curses.
The night was cool and the smell of dung in the open sewers began to predominate over the smell of charcoal fires as the fires were doused after the evening meal. Eggeyes noticed it not at all.
The walk to the Assassin's Guildhouse was uneventful. Egeyes gave the dead guard's chainmail to the Housemouse. The Housemouse was a drab, retired, thief who gave good prices for stolen goods. Then, Eggeyes went to the Guild's alchemist.
Eggeyes put the vial of "bad" poison on a table.
"It doesn't work fast! A target almost attacked me before I ripped his throat out. And he didn't seem to be in much pain."
The wide assortment of hidden and subtle traps and poisons in the room was upsetting Eggeyes. He held out his hands toward the alchemist in a subconscious attempt to ward off any attackfromthat worthy. The alchemist feared what spells could be brought into existence from those hands, however.
"The poison might have had some old eye of unborn elve in it. Here, try this fresh batch."
"Thank you, good master, I shall try it!" With that Eggeyes left the alchemist who was secretly very relieved to see Eggeyes leave. Then, Eggeyes slowly made his way to the Grandfather of Assassins' quarter.
"Well, don't stand there boy, say 'hello'".
"Good evening, sire. I see you've enjoyed another night with 'Their Graces'?".
"Damned fooliness, if you ask me. I have to go to the Better Business Bureau meeting or people will get the wrong idea of our guild. Some of those fools, those merchants, wanted to examine our books with an eye to seeing if we pay our taxes!"
"Do you wish me to spy out the tax records that we may know who knows how much we should be paying? I'd like that!"
Eggeyes meant that he would like interrogating the BB clerks in the dungeon. Somehow, torturing humans wasn't business but was enjoyment.
"We have a problem. There are a group of giants who are plundering all caravans leaving this town. The Guard was about to roast the entire Thieves Guild over slow fires when I was able to convince the Guard Captainthat no Master Thief would cut off his source of income. Someone else is plundering the caravans. The Master Thief is the only one licenced to plunder. And that is on a quota system. We are the only technical advisors allowed to assist the thieves. Someone is using our techniques in the caravan raids. We must stop this raiding to save our good bad reputations. we have a reputation of honest 'evil' to uphold and you will protect our reputation!"
"Who is cutting in our turf?"
Eggeyes words were a bit slurred as his fangs were beginning to slid down into place. He no longer looked quite so human; he was beginning to resemble his father and great-grandfather's brother.
"The leather merchant is a spy for giants. He must be killed to stop the attacks! Others of the brotherhood will guide chaotic fighters to find and wipe out the raiders. Go to the Inn of the Whipping Post and you will find the leather merchant's grudge there. Here, take this:" The Grandfather of Assassins held out a small vial. "It will make her love you for the night!"
As Eggeyes, Priest to the Worship- Of- He- Whose- Name- Was- Not- Spoken and Assassin left, his great-grandfather mused to himself. The "love vial" contained just the opposite and theGRandfather of Assassins might this night be rid of his most serious future rival.
The Inn of the Whipping Post was a true dive. Eggeyes had to step smartly to avoid the rotting corpse of a customer who had sought to leave without paying. He had paid by giving his living intestines to an entrail reader and his soul to a creature from Middle Hell (a fun place to visit occasionally Eggeyes thought).
The main room of the Inn smelt of old shit, strange drugs, sweat, seman and fear. Woven through that was the smell of the food and drink served there. It was a hideous smell in thesmokeyair that made Eggeyes think we'd gone back to his childhood home again. He ducked his head beneath the low slung rafters and sought out the barman.
The barman was an incredibly hairy man who wore a brand identifying him as a werebear. The human form of the werebear was hugh, stooped over and very old.
"Where, bear, do I find the leather merchang's hag."
He was ignored.
"GIve me a tankard of mead." Eggeyes held out a gold piece.
"The orcbitch in the corner." The barman smilled for he had gotten a gold piece for a glass of mead that was worth onlya silver piece. Rather, would be if the mead had been bought rather than stollen from the brewers.
The orcbitch was incredibly hideous. Eggeyes thought she looked like one of his old girlfriends or perhaps his sisters and went to meet her.
"Hi ya, beautiful."
"Fuck dog breath or I'll rip your balls off!"
She suddenly sniffed with a light of hope apearing in her eyes.
"Can it be?", she murmurred in Orciash.
"Sure is beautiful and watch the threats or I'll rip your tits off and feed them to my dog!" Eggeyes whispered his endearment to avoid any humans hearing him speaking Orcish.
The orcbitch gazed in lust at Eggeyes. He had extablished himself as a true lowlife. That is to say, established himself as the most desirable lust object for a lustful orcbitch, in the room.
They drank their drinks and Eggeyes made his way to the barman to order two more drinks. THe barman bitchingly took one gold piece for two tankards and Eggeyes successfully relieved the barman of a plantium piece the barman had kept in an inner pocket.
The orcbitch and Eggeyes were in a state of advanced lust when they left. Eggeyes poured the "love portion" into a drink the sleepy barhog was taking to a barbarian. As they left, the barbarian fell into hate with the barhog and most of the rest of the patrons. The barman wondered where his plantium piece went. Suddenly, he went werebear knowing where to bear down to recover his treasure. The barbarian began breaking bottles over hte heads of customers and the werebear began attacking anything that moved. A truly drunken mage used a fireball spell and then the fun truly began...
The Guard had a busy night and the Palace truth finders used many thumbscrews and hot nails on the survivors of the brawl to try finding out the cause of the brawl. The Grandduke didn't take wellt obrawls that ended up firng half a section of his town. But, Eggeyes and his love were oblivious to the fire behind them and they went to the orcbitch's quarters.
Eggeyes and his lustful orcbitch made lust in typical orc fashion. If they had been human or elven, then mere humans could stomack their actions. Violent rending reader(1), I, yournarriatior, am but a retired Grandfather of the Grandfather of Assassins. To tell you of the orc and helforc's "lovemaking" would be a vomet inducing event!
On second thought, I will write down the chronicle and have it preserved until the next age of humans. It is fit to published in a magazine which will be called "Five Houses(2)" or words to that effect.
But back to my story...
After leaving his lustmate sleeping, Eggeyes had to make his way through the leather merchant's houe. He knew the general outline of the house from the orcbitch. Her quarters were in the basement.
He would have to go from the orcbitch's quarters to the pantry. From there, he would go up a set of stairs to the enterance hall. Thence, via a hallway, to the master's study where the leather merchant purportedly was. There was a dogleg in the hallway.
As he went up the stairs in the pantry, he noticed a putrid odor and a very strong updraft. Eggeyes could see no openings from which the updraft could be coming. He stopped moving and very carefully loostened his poison coated, great bastard sword in it's scabbard. He then oh-so-carefully cocked his crossbow and lashed
(1) This is a takeoff of Dr. Isaac Asimov's custom of referring to his readers as "gentle readers" when speaking as the author to the readers from within his essays and stories.
(2) "Five Houses" is reference to "Penthouse".
down the release mechanism. He fitted it with a poisoned quarrel. He went the rest of the way up the stairs.
At the open door, Eggeyes carefully did a recon down the small hallway (almost a crawlspace) that extended to the left of the door and could see or hear nothing either in that little hallway or from the room beyond the closed door; Eggeyes had excellent hearing and his vision extended beyond that of humans. He could smell nothing but the putrid odour from the stairwell. The assassin part of his soul cursed the sloopy but oh-so-orcish houecleaning. THe cleric part of him prayed for his life.
Finally, he entered the parlor. A window at one end was open and the air was hot and clear near the window. He could see no reason for the breeze in the stairwell and assumed it to be some sort of magic. If he had known what type, he might have dove out through the window. But, more likely, he would have pressed on regardless...
The room had rotting wood along the baseboards and he thought that the wall hangins were too faded. There was a desk under the window and an armoire(3) near it. A hissing sound could be heard coming from a large chest against the far wall. Eggeyes went over to the chest and investigated it. There was a distince hissing coming from the chest. Carefully, Eggeyes looked it over for traps. He found none.
Slowly, he raised the unlocked lid just a crack. The hissing was very loud now. He took out his dagger and slid itbetwinx the lid and the box. He felt the blade shudder as something struck twice at it and then bit it. With a happy, happy, smile, Eggeyes waited until the creature inside quit moving. Moving back to full arm's length from the chest, he slowly raised the lid. The dagger was the only thing touching the chest and lifting the lid was tricky work even for a halforc.
Inside the chest was a dead snake and several gold pieces and platinum pieces. This was a treasure beyond belief! Inside was the lodge pin of one of the area's tribes of giants. It identified the bearer as an ally of that tribe and was a safepass. Eggeyes' mind spun with thoughts of what he could do with such a thing as he carefully picked up the pin with an unpoisoned quarrel. He could tell that the pin was poisoned and didn't want to die just yet...
(3) An amoire is a closed chest or cabinet.
From the armoire, he found nothing of value or of threat. He carefully went to the closed door
and removed his helmet. He listened so hard that he thought his heart was a kettle drum and he thought of cursing it. But, he remembered the disconcerting habit his god had of answering such curses and refrained. If only his god would answer his prayers so readily...
He went to the unopened door and gently open it. Then, he remembered to put his helm back upon his head. But, the pause to redon his helmet was his undoing. Out in the hall were two Troglodytes and they had seen him!
With hisses of hate they charged him. Eggeyes quickly slammed the door in their faces. After bolting the door, he noticed that one of the trogs had managed to hit him with a thrown axe. The sight of his own blood filled Eggeyes with the lust for revenge.
He ran silently for the stairway enterance to the parlor. He carefully opened it a crack and the door rang to the assualt of the trog's stone bvattle axe. The trog backed off to allowEggeyes out of the parlor. Eggeyes swung hastily and missed; thetrog swung and was equally inept. Then, again they attacked and both missed. The other trog was roaring with laughter and waited to see how the comedy would progress.
Eggeyes set imself nad with total concentration swung his bastard sword. He cut the trog just below it's rib cage on the right side and the large bastard killer of men and monsters sword sheared through the trog's bodyand exited through it's left shoulder socket. The body oozed to the floor. As it fell, the trog released it's most potent weapon. It released a strnch that would make a skunk gage and pray for deliverance. Eggeys abruptly jackknifed over in a spasm of vomiting. He would never have believed that a halforc could be so affected; perhps his god had intervened? The stone axe thrown by the surviving trog passed harmlessly over Eggeye's head nad the trog disappeared down the hall.
Having emptied his stomack, Eggeyes' wiped off ihs mouth nad crept up the passage. In a manner that would have made his mentors come with joy, Eggeyes moved silently thrugh the shadows and crept up upon his victum. Perhaps it had been grief that had kept the trog from noticing eggeys; perhaps, Eggeyes was simply very good at his chosen vocation...
The orcbitch smilled as she watch the action in her crystal ball.
The body had a few gold pieces and some silver pieces onit. Eggeyes figured his spoils at about four gold pieces. He thought of the 3600 gold pieces that he had been promised for this night's work and decided that he would be asking for a bonus. There had been too much shit going down for the mood he was in.
Without manking any further attemtps at concealment, Eggeyes went to the enterance of the leather merchant's study and set foot inside. He had his slightly magical shield up at the ready.
The room had a large collection of books and at a lecturn sat a darkly dressed man. THe leather merchant was dressed in the finest of brown silks. he wore no armour and had only a dagger on. Ther leather merchant picked up a staff and moving away from the lecturn, leanded upon the staff.
"I have been waiting for you to come here." He pointed toward a mirror that showed the image of the orcbitch. Most of the scratchs had stopped bleeding but scratchs were normal toorcish love (or lust play to be exact). Eggeyes felt his own scratches and his fourteen inches of warty lustfulliness began strining against his suit of plate armour. He really didn't pay attention to the walls of books in theroom or the rich decorations on what parts of the walls that were visible. He momentarily turned his attention to the useless thoughts of his lust object and the leather merchant struck in that instant.
From his hands spouted twin jets of fire that seared Eggeyes and might have blinded himbut for theinstinctive raising of his shield. On one side, the flames ignited a stack of books. With a scream of pain, the merchant turned his attention to putting out the fire with a water dispatching spell. He would pay dearly for the use of the water elemental that produced the water but the books were worth saving.
Eggeyes didn't react but merely tried to recover and watched the perchant put out the fire. Thus, his opportunity was lost.
The leather merchant turned and struck Eggeyes with his staff and Eggeyes staggered backwards.
Recovering, Eggeyes tried to ignore the smel of burnt paper and the smoke in his eyes. He brought up his crossbow and whiped off the restraining lash. His shot was instantly lethal. The leather merchant fell in a heap. Breathing hard, Eggeyes cautiously searched the body of the leather merchant. he removed a gem worth at least a thousand gold pieces.
The Guard arrived to check out the fire. Then, to Eggeyes's surprise, the orcbitch came running upstairs. She told the guard officer that her master had gotten drunk and set the room on fire. She told them of how she would give the leather merchant pure hell the next morning.
The sight of a crossbow quarrel protruding from the leather merchant made the Guard doubt that the leather merchant would be awakening again ever. But, he had his orders and the GuardCOmmander had been most specific about this house: Ignore all things that occurr at that house tonight!"
Eggeyes went to the orcbitch's room for the remainder of the night which made for a truly memorable night of sin,debachery and degradation. He left early the next morning to report in. There was a spring to his step and at least 3000 gold pieces worth of loot. He had spent the morning between dawn and leaving in stealing this wealth.
When he returned to the Guildhall, the Housemouse paid Eggeyes 3100 gold pieces for his loot. Then, Eggeyes went to see the Grandfather of Assassins.
His adventure thenight before had started with meeting with "Gramps" shortly after nightfall. THe final encounter with the Guard had occurred three hours before the sun arose. It was near noon now and Eggeyes wanted his lunch and then some sleep.
"Your report, assassin!" It was the Grandfather of Assassin and not "Gramps" who gave the order to speak.
Eggeyes reported all events fromthe time he had taken the job.
The Grandfather of Assassins intrupted once to say: "You didn't have to use the lust potion?"
"No, your unholiness. The orcbitch practically raped me so I just put the potion in a barbarian's drink. I trust it gave him much happiness."
Gramps smilled. "It gave a lot of people much happiness." Gramps was more than a little sadistic.
"Here is your just reward ("Gramps" put 4000 gold pieces in Eggeye's grasping hands.). Take a few days off. Then, I am going to have you take a combat team and hunt for the headquarters of the giants."
Gramps carefully didn't tell Eggeyes that the leather merchant's body had been removed from town in a wagon that morning by the true spy. Eggeyes was not told that the true spy was a high level cleric, a High Priestess capable of performing Resurrection, Regenerating and Restoration. He didn't know that the true spy would never heart Eggeys for she had found in him the ideal lust partner.
As the orcbitch and her dead servant, the leather merchant, went to the deep woods location of the orcbitch's god's temple, she lusted for Eggeyes. She decided that the leather merchant would have to be better trained. But, first, she would fulfill the promise she had made to the Guard Officer...
THe grat plans the orcbitch had for Eggeys would have horrified a man andmight have upset Eggeyes had he known.
More likely they would have delighted him.
THE SAGA OF EGGEYES, DEATHBLOOD DEFENDER OF THE FAITH, TO BE CONTINUED...
POSTSCRIPT:
I wrote this story in January 1983, shortly after Kathie had gone to Navy O.C.S. I started writing a sequal but didn't get too far as I was transferred in March 1983 and never got around to finishing the story. The sequal would have featured a half elve Paladin (a holy night sworn to defeat all evil) forced to work alongside Eggeyes (a creature of quite the opposite orientation). After saving each other live's a couple of times and they came to an understanding and parted amiable enemies as opposed to blood enemies. Unfortunately, the rough draft of that story seems to have disappeared during the past three or four moves.
There was also another D&D story I started about the same time which was the same story but told from the viewpoints of four different characters. I wrote it mainly for the fun of writing the common sceens as told from the four different viewpoints (i.e. a raid on a wagon train or a night in a tavern/inn). This story is lost (alas).
Yeah, there are a lot of spelling errors. I just don't feel like fixing them all just right now...
